The Little Park

There is a little park on Avenue D in Killeen, Texas. It doesn’t amount to much, just about three quarters of a lot, not even a commercial lot, about fifty, or sixty feet wide, planted with trees, a little entry way, and some benches here and there. It’s not a park that you’d turn your children loose in, more of a meditation kind of thing, only the people who frequent that part of town don’t meditate much, indeed, if they sat too long there it would almost certainly lead to imperial implications.

The park sits on a lot formally occupied by the Blue Bonnet Café, owned and operated by Mr. Joseph Safady. “Mr. Joe,” as he was known, had cafes and dry goods all over Killeen. The Blue Bonnet was a “greasy spoon” restaurant. I never saw any greasy spoons, but I did see the pitted concrete floor in the kitchen. Billy Joe was the cook, and Crazy Sarah, a Comanche, was the dishwasher. Sarah would carry bus tubs and a Lucky Strike at the same time.

Mr. Joe was a Syrian immigrant, not a refugee, and Mr. Joe believed in America! He believed in America so much that he joined the army and fought for America in the trenches of World War I. When he returned he eventually found his way to Killeen and started a café. I was told that he had coins Scotch Taped to a piece of cardboard with the denominations in Arabic so he could make change. By the time I met him he had cafes all over town. There was the Blue Bonnet, and of course his flagship, the Venus, down on Highway 190. The Venus had three huge dining rooms and served the GIs after the clubs closed at two A. M.

Billy Joe could never show up on time for work. He was supposed to be there at seven, but he was always twenty minutes late. That was because he had to pick up a beer on the way in, and sales of beer began at seven. Mr. Joe struck me a deal. At fifteen, I was charged with prepping the grill. While my mother counted the register, I put on the coffee, and lit the grill, lining it with sausage and bacon. For my labor I got a free breakfast before school. On weekends I got a ham and cheese sandwich.

Mr. Joe began to bring relatives over from the old country. They weren’t refugees either. He’d get them here, put them in school to get citizenship, and set them up in a café, pool hall, or rentals. Being a vet, he knew the soldiers liked clubs, and food. He provided both. I remember at three in the morning it was standing room only, as the GIs waited for tables to eat from Mr. Joe’s, “greasy spoon.”

We didn’t have homeless back in the sixties, we had old drunks, and out of work construction people. More than a few found their way to the back of the kitchens of Mr. Joe’s cafes for a free meal, or a little work cleaning up the area. I remember a commercial back then from Lay’s Potato Chips. In it there were gangsters sitting around contemplating counterfeiting the Lay’s chip bag and stuffing it with their own chips. An old Don asked, “Who buy counterfeit potato chip bag?” Then, he sampled the chips, made a face and they all got up to leave. That was Mr. Joe to a “T.”

He went back to the old country for a visit years later. As he saw the children running around dirty and sick he was so moved that he built a hospital in Syria. I don’t know if it’s still there. He came back to Texas, and was running his businesses. One day, he eased out only Highway 190, and got slammed by a guy speeding through the light. We all said goodbye to Mr. Joe three days later.

I found myself at the place where the Blue Bonnet once stood the other day. I sat on one of the benches and looked at Avenue D. I didn’t hear the rattle of pots and pans, or Billy Joe yelling, “Order up!” Pat Anderson’s head shop across the street was long gone, and the block is decorated by all those little black fences the city of Killeen put up, along with Victorian lamps, pretending it is Salado. I don’t know why the city bulldozed the Blue Bonnet, and put the little park there, but I’m glad it did, because for me, it is a monument to Mr. Joe.









Stupid is the New Black

Do you remember, back in the day, when George Bush jumped on Iraq? He spent days pulling together a coalition of allies and then gave Saddam forty-eight hours to get out of town, and if that’s not cowboy style then I’m not a white boy from Austin! He got agreements from all of our allies, arranged sea ports, landing strips, and support systems to mount a coordinated attack. Obama has a completely different view of our situation. Not only is he turning a blind eye to a massive Syrian invasion, he actually turned down France’s invitation to join in their attack on ISIS. Putin compared negotiations with him to playing chess with a pigeon, where the pigeon knocks over all the pieces, poops on the board, and then struts around like it won the match. President Obama as effectively changed our national symbol from a Bald Eagle to a Yellow Bellied Sap Sucker!
ISIS is in full swing. It’s positively amazing how this administration steps back, watches a well-orchestrated attack that kills over one hundred people, and suggests that it might be terror connected. I’m a Simple Ol’ Boy from Austin, not a Stupid Ol’ boy from Austin! Everybody is wondering if perhaps the President is a closet Muslim. Well, if it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it must be a duck, and Obama’s been quacking for years. I see so many lame brained things spewing out of the White House that I don’t even bother to read them anymore. It’s almost like he gets up every morning and runs through the constitution to see what he can tear up today.
We are at war, people! I want to point out something. ISIS doesn’t attack with divisions. It hits with a few people and disrupts everything. If we had employed their tactics Texas would have won the battle of the Alamo. Nineteen guys brought the country to a halt. Something around that number numbed France. Belgium is shut down right now because ISIS burped. See my point. This would be like Texas closing for business because Bonnie and Clyde robbed a gas station, and it all comes back to one thing. The fool on the hill! The world looks at this situation and wonders what is wrong with us? As bad as they hate us, it was always understood that in a pinch, we will come out fighting.
Political correctness will be the death of us. Stupid is the new black. Congress showed some fortitude when it passed that anti-immigration legislation, flying in the face of Obama’s veto threat, but we need more. Do you realize if just the Senators from the states refusing Syrian refugees were to vote for impeachment Obama would be gone? The world is watching. If Russia and France clean up this mess, and we hang back the die is cast. America is no longer a world power. And use your common sense. Look at the refugees. When the boats came in from Cuba there were women and children, old men, and some younger men. An even sprinkling of a society. Obama said the Syrians were three year olds and widows. I saw the news clips. They were even marching in formation.
I issued a plea four days ago for the Texas militia to organize and go to ground. I repeat that plan. Obama will sit back and watch the hordes of enemy soldiers hit the beach at Galveston, while he ponders his golf game. We have to do this ourselves. We have to pick up the torch. I will admit that not all the refugees are ISIS, but remember. . . nineteen guys! That’s all it takes. One guy to put anthrax in the water supply, One in the White House to bring down a nation. That’s all it takes.

Simple Ol’ Boy From Austin

Give Putin a Tank of Gas

Interesting times these days, but when you boil it all down it’s quite simple, actually, and there’s a sugar cookie here, too. The Middle East is a very big deal these days. The whole world is focused on it. That area is supposed to be the “cradle of civilization.” Ok, boys and girls, if you believe that have I got a bridge for you, and it’s on sale. Back in the day when I was growing up in Simmonsville the one ambition we all had was to make enough whiskey, or steal enough cars to get out of Simmonsville, and we had no plans to go back there. For all you Christians, Muslims, Jews, and assorted other denominations, the Middle East is a sewer. You may swat them bees now.
The big thing is to get a home for the Palestinians. School’s in, ring the bell. Muslims, you have a whole blankity blank desert to live in. Stop worrying about a strip of desert what ain’t got no oil. And the American reasoning is an oxymoron. “The Jews have a right to that land because God gave it to them and they were there four thousand years ago.” Go tell the Comanche. The Americans have forever been getting into other people’s business. They got in our business down here in 1861. You want to see how much they meddle? Just look at a world map with the locations of all the American military bases on it. “Oh, Wilbur, we need that for the security of the nation.” We can’t secure ISIS!
So, Putin jumps in and puts ISIS mostly out of business in about three days. I know, I know, there are those who’ll say it’s all smoke and mirrors, well I’ve been looking at all the reports and there’s a lot more smoke than mirrors. Let me tell you why Obama is so hell bent to get the leader of Syria out. See, there was this pipeline that was gonna run all the way from Mecca to Berlin or someplace. Now that’s all cool, but there was gonna be this valve on it and the Saudis had that valve. Same as it ever was. In one twist of that valve the Saudis (OPEC) could put a strangle hold on Europe. One guy said, “No,” and the whole thing blew up. That guy was the president of Syria. Sounds like we need a little freedom over there, huh. Check it out; we freed Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya, Egypt, and we’re trying to free Iran. Why shucks, why don’t we just free Jordan, the Kurds, and all the rest? How do we do that? Why we fund a bunch of religious nuts and let ‘em run around cutting heads off by the bushel basket, that’s how. And what is ISIS really working on? OIL. That’s right, friend and neighbors, all them fellers with the fire of Allah in their eyes are just a bunch of gangsters selling to the highest bidder. Gosh, ya’ll thought it was God, huh?
Over a year ago I laid out a scenario explaining just how the Republic of Texas was going to come to be. It wasn’t as dramatic as some others, but it had its merits. It went like this; we don’t have to secede. As America self-destructs Texas will become a republic by default. While the world rushes to WWIII, Texas sits on more oil than all the other countries combined except Russia. That, and cattle, cotton, tech, and all the Mexicans. Do the Americans think we’re just gonna close up shop because they screwed the pooch? Texas is the only state that can be a republic. When it all comes down we will be selling gas and computers to every Kraut in Berlin. We’ll ship so much beef to Europe they’ll all have coronary heart disease and Stetson will have to open a plant in Moscow.
My advice to the Americans is just leave it alone. If they want to have WWIII just let ‘em have it. They had WWI and WWII, let ‘em work this one out by themselves. Texas has no intention of fighting someone else’s fight. I personally don’t give a flip about Israel or Palestine or Iran. I’m a racist old bastard, and I like it that way. I care about the hearts and minds of the kids at UT. I care about securing our border, ending people doing ninety-nine years for one joint, and speaking of joints, I get mad when California can grow and sell something that Texas can do better! We will take the lead in this, and Texas will be a republic. Then we’ll give Putin a tank of gas and a brisket sandwich and everything’s gonna be just fine.

Simple Ol’ Boy From Austin

Putin is a Texan!

If this picture doesn’t make you mad you need to be on medication. A darling little girl being auctioned off as a sex slave. This is Islam! Can’t candy coat it, can’t rationalize it, can’t cite the Qu’ran, this is perversion at its purest. I trimmed the lower picture but it was good. The Russians dumped this garbage in a pickup, naked, except for his thong, that’s right, thong, with his head bent backwards.
It doesn’t matter who invented ISIS. It doesn’t matter if it was a CIA ploy, a funded group against the president of Syria, or just a street gang gone wild. Putin finally called “Foul” and started cleaning up the area, and, as you can see, our friend here wound up looking like he got caught in San Saba, Texas monkeying with a little girl. Putin is a Texan!
Common decency is not negotiable. Communist or capitalist, a little girl is a little girl. A crying little girl about to be raped is an abomination, and if your “Holy” book condones this then you’re praying to the freaking DEVIL! The world has had enough. All my liberal friends like to use the term “Wild Wild West.” Well, when someone did this in the Wild West the posse showed up and hung them in the street for all the people to see. It was as simple as that!
And he’s smiling! He’s proud of what he’s doing. No compassion, no feeling, just an animal who has learned to talk, that’s all. I will never forget this child’s face. My passion is saving children from the CPS. I’ve seen so much abuse that I have a blind hatred for that department. For me to look in this little angel’s face makes me raging mad. It makes me want to march every Arab on the planet into a gas chamber and turn on the gas. There is no excuse for this.
And look at the White House. Politicizing. That’s the talking point this week. Obama talks the politics of situations like this. I wonder how he’d talk if that was Malia crying in that picture? Would he say the morning call to prayer for Islam is the most beautiful sound he ever heard? Or would he drop a nuke right in the middle of them? Of course everybody is all worried about WWIII. People, we need WWIII! All civilized nations against the Middle East. Be done with it! Forget about the end of the world and make it the end of their world!
My message to all the folks out there so proud of their vote for Obama; while you’re cashing in your food stamps for crack, and calling your dealer on your Obama Phone, take a look at this little girl. All she wanted was mommy, and to grow up. This is wrong, folks. This is just plain wrong!

Simple Ol’ Boy From Austin


Facts About Syria

What We Know About Syria
by Wilbur Witt

In the media swirl concerning Syria it becomes hard to sift the information, and misinformation to get to the facts. We know there was a gas attack and that a good amount of people died, including some children. Now that’s a fact. Put that in the fact basket. We know that there are two sides to the conflict in Syria. There’s the government, and then there are those who oppose the government. The opposition is composed of many factions, some Syrian, and some not so Syrian, filtering in from other areas to support the rebels. Some are referred to as terrorists. Let’s define terrorist. A terrorist is someone who kicks your ass and doesn’t care how he does it while you scream, “Foul!” You know, like the Confederacy. I dug back and read up on how this whole mess started. Apparently there were some protests against the Assad regime and he, upon seeing what else was happening in the Middle East, over reacted. One thing led to another and a protest became a conflict. Now we have a war.

Let me inject another fact here. If using chemical weapons is against international law, why is anyone allowed to even possess such weapons? If there IS a United Nations (which frankly there is not) shouldn’t there be a consensus among the members that if any nation even has these things the members would instantly invade said nation and disarm it with no ceremony?

Now let’s address just who used this weapon. The admitted owner of the gas is the regime. There’s no question there. Put that in the fact basket. Now let’s move to supposition. Let’s say, just for speculation, the opposition had come upon a few barrels of Sarin gas. Now where would you use it? Would you use it against civilians, fighting on your side to promote some great political maneuver, and try to drag the United States into the conflict, or would you just gas the hell out of Assad’s troops and turn the tide of the war? Moreover, if the more radical elements possessed this stuff, wouldn’t they have gassed the New York subway system by now? The whole idea of radical Islam is to destroy the Great Satan, which is us! Now that supposition is not a fact, it falls more in the common sense basket. We just took an attack on the Boston Marathon from pressure cookers loaded with nails and firecrackers. Don’t you think that if these people had poison gas they would have already figured a way to deploy it on us by now?

No, my belief is that Assad, having a pocket of resistance so near, thought he could pop a little gas in there and either not get caught, or would be ignored in the confusion of war. His assertion that he is winning the war, why should he resort to such tactics is about as strong as Batista enjoying a champaign toast as Castro enters town! Most likely that gas was deployed from government sources. The reason was that the government thought they could take out a pocket of resistance easy with little or no consequences.

Now it’s question time. What will happen if we attack? Will it save the world from gas? Uh, no. If it should topple Assad’s government will that end the war? Why sure! I mean, it ended the war in Iraq when we toppled THAT government, right? Oh, I’m sorry. The radicals are slipping in from where? Will the people that end up in control embrace us as friends and sell us gasoline at twenty five cents a gallon because they love us so much? Well, Libya is such a great tourist destination, right? Anybody up for a tour of the pyramids by the way? Maybe a Christian tour of Mecca?

What will China and Russia do. Bitch and rattle their rusty sabers. Iran, pretty much the same. I know I’m gonna get a bunch of letters telling me how powerful these numb nuts are, but I’m sorry to be the first one to tell you this, but for all of Putin’s big talk he has a rust bucket Navy and China’s not going to give one penny of profit up trying to protect a bunch of religious nuts that are doing them absolutely no good. You can put all that in the fact bucket, too.

Now, let’s swing to the other side of this discussion. One thing that riles me is when the government has this so-called “evidence” of this or that, and want to go to,war, but they can’t show us this evidence because we’re basically a bunch of children and can’t be trusted with the information. Show us one picture of Assad pushing the gas button, laughing with fiendish glee. Play us one audio tape of ANYONE in his government giving the order to deploy the gas. But no! That’s all CLASSIFIED! We can’t know that stuff.

What if, just what if the congress and the senate votes and says, “HELL NO!” Do you honestly think that the administration will not take some action anyway? If Obama shows restraint then I’m a blue nose gopher, and Frenchi says I can butter her butt, and call her a biscuit! We’re gonna do it, ok? It would be wonderful, if after all these years we could show some sanity and rebuild America, but I’ve long since given up on that. God Bless the Republic of Texas!

Where Do We Go From Here?

So Where Do we go from here?
by Wilbur Witt

I made my position very clear yesterday in my blog: A Simple Ol’ Boy From Austin: Let’s Get Serious About Syria Now, I’m going to crawfish a bit, but not much. I sincerely believe what I wrote, and it’s not that I’m insensitive to the deaths of children caught up in war. To not feel strong emotions at the sight of a little girl struggling for her last breath is the mindset of an animal. That having been said, we in America have our own fences to mend. The site of a little girl being drawn into a drive by shooting in Detroit on her way to school is equally horrifying. You can read all of this in my previous blog.

Everyone in this country has a right to his/her opinion. There are people who strongly oppose my views, and I respect that. The president sits at the top of the food chain, and ultimately he must call the final shot. Here comes the crawfish, folks, get the hot sauce out. If we do go to war against Syria we need to all support President Obama. Not to do so is similar to a spoiled kid taking his basketball home because someone else is winning the game. To thwart, oppose, or divert the effort will not only hinder the effort, but put the lives of our service men and women, who have no choice in the matter, at extreme risk. Also, this cannot be a “limited, or controlled” action. If we go to war then let’s just do it this time. Take their country, kill Assad, destroy the chemical plants, and then just leave! Tell the terrorists, “You want some of this?” and show them a good example of what “this” looks like!

We are the only remaining super power. I like Putin, admire his words, but he is the president of a failed ideology. The Chinese aren’t going to do a thing because they want to keep selling those iPads too bad. Iran? Oh, give me a break! I’m so tired of listening to the ejaculations from Tehran that I want to puke. Been working on nuclear reactors for years, can’t fire up a light bulb. Good bluff preacher boys! And all the other little rag-a-muffin groups that have an axe to grind with us. The Israeli attitude is good here: לך תזדיין

The idea is if the president decides to go in, we all go in. We let these people know we are behind our president, and the only choice they have is long ass whipping, or quick ass whipping, but ass whipping is what it is going to be. We also need to make some solid decisions about what to do about Arabs living within the US. No more pressure cookers! Yeah, I’m serious. There are enough sane Muslims here, that if Arab presence in our country comes under scrutiny you will see a decided turn to the right. Reality people! I know it’s dry . . .have a beer!

Let’s Get Serious About Syria

Let’s Get Serious About Syria
by Wilbur Witt

Call me an insensitive bastard but I don’t give a damn about Syria. I don’t care if the government falls, rises, or bakes a cake. I think the president of that nation is the typical Middle Eastern photo-op type of idiot who probably came to power in some coup d’état that was as far removed from democracy as Hitler from a Bar Mitzvah. I don’t know what Syrian food tastes like, and NONE of my ex-wives are from there. I don’t believe the fate of the world rests on this barren strip of desert, and I don’t give a damn about whatever “history” it had before the Romans stormed over it on their way to beat the shit out of Israel. Is that politically incorrect enough for y’all. Well, butter my ass and call me a biscuit!

Our presidents have made a huge game out of fanning the flames of war, ignoring the constitution, and plunging us into one involvement after another. We had a reason to take on Afghanistan. We had less reason to invade Iraq. We have NO reason to attack Syria! And don’t mistake me for a misty-eyed liberal who is so concerned for the people of Syria that I want to save them from the missiles that will surely come. You think that gas screwed them up? Just wait until that Navy fleet lets go with those 1.2 million dollar firecrackers and then count the collateral damage. When the smoke clears every insane Jihadist in the world will come screaming out of their Mosques throwing pressure cookers at anything that moves. And they don’t have to throw them far, folks. Practically every state has a training facility for these people, and the Homeland Security is too busy looking under Granny Clampett’s bustle at LAX to even notice!

Does that shock you? Did that make you drop you Duncan donut? Well, it’s true! The 19 hijackers did not fly into the US from Canada, they were already here. The Boston bombers did not ride a camel across the Mexican desert, they were already here! The Fort Hood shooter did not parachute down from a private plane . . .HE WAS ALREADY HERE! They are all among us and what is the government doing? Planning another war on a country that most Americans don’t even find on a map! And NOBODY with any sense wants it to happen. The leaders in Congress are screaming, “No, no, HELL no!” All the polls are saying the same thing.

Stability in the Middle East. If that’s not an oxymoron I’m not a white boy from Austin. That region has been unstable since Cain slew Abel. They all claim to believe in one God, but they can’t agree on one version of their religion. They won’t eat a ham sandwich, but they will eat a bug. They claim to be the religion of peace and then want to spread their “law” far and wide where a teenage girl is stoned to death for looking good in shorts! And we’re about to waste American money and lives to defend this shit?

Now, I don’t buy into this impeachment stuff. I believe that the President has to make some hard calls, and has a right to do so without the threat of being fired every five minutes. Wait a minute . . .WE all live with that, but what the hell, anyway, he needs to be able to do his job, ok? But when practically EVERYBODY is screaming, “DON’T DO IT,” isn’t he supposed to, like, represent US? And what will happen if we stand by and just let things roll? Well, someone will win the civil war in Syria. Either the Muslim Brotherhood, who will hate us, heck, they already do, or the reigning government who is learning to hate us quite well right now. Then, the whole thing will just fade away. All the various factions will continue to fight about which hand to wipe their ass with.

We need to fix OUR country. We need to stop trying to fix people who have been broken since the first day their ancestors swung down out of the trees. You can’t safely draw money from an ATM in Watts and we’re supposed to worry about people who would set us on fire at the slightest chance. Have we lost our minds? No, the American people haven’t lost theirs, but I can’t say the same about the current administration. Mr President, I want you to get up, go to your window and open it. Smell that? That’s coffee. Take a big sniff.

False Flags and Things That go Bump in the Night

False Flags and Things That Go Bump in the Night
by Wilbur Witt

I never thought in a million years that I’d be an anti-war advocate. I’m from Texas and that’s just about as close to gay as one can get without wearing a pink tu tu, but by golly give me my heals and show me the stage. Any body remember the Gulf of Tonkin? How about Iraq’s WMD’s? So now we have a situation where SOMEBODY used gas and it’s so “obvious.” Well, maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. I know one thing for sure, in ten or twenty years when the truth comes out it won’t be anything like what we’re being fed now.

And, we have the usual scenario. Pictures of dead people, everybody pointing at everybody else, the president looking concerned, the Secretary of State talking about his kids, and Israel all bowed up. Of course the religious nuts are pointing to the Book of Revelation and claim this will fire off WWIII and EVERYBODY’S gonna end up in some garbage dump just outside of Jerusalem fighting some final battle with the Devil because some pothead said so 2,000 years ago. Can I get an amen?

Now, as always, I’m just a simple ol’ boy from Austin, but did I miss something here? Haven’t we “been there, done that?” I am very tired of governments, OUR government, making decisions for us because they think we don’t have sense enough to understand the complexity of world events. I’ve SEEN the pictures of the “freedom fighters” in Syria. They are a bunch of rag-head dumb asses! The president of Syria is a rag-head dumb ass in a suit. Do they kill each other? Why HELL yeah! That’s what they DO! Beats working. You want a $64,000 question? Tell me what they’re fighting for? What’s the central issue? Five’ll get you ten it’s got something to do with tribes, camels, or Allah!

One of my Facebook friends, who’s opinion I respect very much, reminded me that we are still the most formidable military force in the world, and my son, Wilbur William Witt III (Master Chief USN) tells me he’s not bullshitting, so we have a more or less moral obligation to kick ass on command. Problem is Farmer Jones in Iowa, who can’t sell his corn is TIRED of kicking ass just ’cause we CAN! LeRoy in Watts is tired of it, too, and Bubba Ellis in Ding Dong, Texas, and Mary Ellen Rothchild in Long Island and . . .well we’re all just plain tired of it.

America is a great country. Surprises me that I say that because I’m part of a group that wants to make Texas independent of the US, but it’s true. Steel workers sitting on their asses in Pennsylvania, assembly lines shut down in Detroit, oil wells rusting in Texas, and corn scorching in the sun in Kansas is as wrong as crapping in bed. And Obamacare. If we didn’t fund every broke dick wannabe Sheik in the Middle East we could provide FREE healthcare for our people and buy ’em all a new car to get there! We could easily house all the homeless in our nation with just the VA foreclosures sitting idly by right NOW!

Folks, I don’t want to see little girls get gassed, but I’m more concerned with a little girl in Harlem than I am one in Al Uganda Booga Booga! Ok? And most Americans understand that quite well! Rebuild OUR country. Put OUR people back to work. House OUR homeless. Get Our people to the doctor, and then if some idiot attacks US beat the hell out of them, and come back home.

Obama’s not saying IF he’s going to attack, but WHEN. A cruise missile costs 1.2 Million dollars. Ok, let’s save ONE cruise missile and give that money to a clinic in central Los Angeles so that American kids don’t get the flu this winter. And where is Obama going to fire the missiles? He has said this will not be an effort to oust Assad, and blowing up the chemical plants is “too dangerous,” so what the hell is he gonna shoot at? I know a Korean fireworks guy right here in beautiful downtown Killeen, Texas who can sell Obama a fireworks show for a hell of a lot less than 1.2 MILLION dollars!

Sometimes I wish I could take Obama for a walk down a trail by Mill Creek, and point to the ground at a cow patty and ask him, “What’s that?”


Then, pulling a can out of my pocket showing him a can of shoe polish, “Now, what’s this?”


“Ok, go back to Washington, that’s all you need to know.”

And if we should topple Assad what do we get? The MUSLIM BROTHERHOOD! They’re called “Brotherhood” cause they don’t like girls. And they REALLY don’t like us. These bozos wouldn’t know democracy if it ran up and pissed on their leg! All they know is the Qu’ran which is actually amazing because most of them can’t read. But they know how to shoot an AK-47 though, cause they love to shoot little 14 year old girls in the head who WANT to learn to read. And we’re about to spend 1.2 million dollars a trigger pull for THESE assholes? I see the administration say “war” out of one side its mouth, and “sequester” out of the other and I sit back, reflect on my younger days in the sixties, take a sip of my martini, and just say, “Far out!”



by Wilbur Witt

When the towers fell it was a huge blow, and a huge wake up call for America. Even though we stood on the brink of the 21st century, we still rested in the comfort that we were insulated by two oceans from the rest of the world. With our military, and wealth we were very aware that we could touch THEM, and in our minds, THEY could never touch US. I think it’s ironic that THEY used our very method to make the world smaller to do precisely THAT!

So, we embarked on Afghanistan. I’ll be honest with you, when the towers fell I didn’t exactly know where Afghanistan was, and Bin Laden had never been mentioned to me. I knew that Israel was always pissed off at the Arabs for this or that, but that was over THERE and we had them oceans, right? When we invaded Afghanistan I was right up there in front wanting to kick their little brown asses all over the desert. That is until Bin Laden jumped on his camel and rode right through our lines and we degenerated down into Vietnam II, Fun In The Sun. We now know that while we spun our wheels in Afghanistan Bin Laden ate dates and watched his greatest hits on TV as he dyed his beard.

Then came Iraq. Surely, the King of the Kiber Assholes had SOMETHING to do with them towers. Never MIND that he was a Sunni not a Shiite ( we didn’t need no stupid FACTS, we had WMD’s to find. Well, we caught a tired old man in a hole and inherited tribal rivalries over 1600 years old that the ROMANS couldn’t fix!

We actually didn’t have to invade Libya. It was so busy imploding we didn’t have time to get there. We cheered on the Muslim Brotherhood and they followed suit by dragging the leader of that country out of a sewer and sticking a bayonet up his ass. Only problem was that in short order they stuck a bayonet up OUR ass! Egypt, same thing. One revolution after another, damn, I thought I was looking at 1920’s Mexico!

So now we come to Syria. Big trouble in Syria. They have this guy running the country, in a nice suit, and our old buddies, the Muslim Brotherhood, wants to stick a bayonet up HIS ass! Does anyone see where I’m going with this? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Oh, it’s all about human rights. If we were that worried about human rights we’d invade Saudi Arabia. Oh, it’s the oil. (See previous statement.) So just why are we positioning to invade some PoDunk nation without a Walmart? Now, I’m just a simple ol’ boy from Austin, but lets think about this. Who’s interests are being served. Practically every leader in the Middle East is dead or deposed. There is no oil in Syria. There are two nations over there unscathed. Saudi Arabia and Israel. And by unscathed I mean their political structure is still sound. Israel takes a lot of hits, but the Saudis seem to be fat, dumb and happy.

Where am I going with this? Well, to begin with, as a naturalized Texan, I find burning Middle Eastern gas in my car repugnant. When you have oil right under your feet, and you’re importing it from people who hate you, and screw with prices you are an idiot. You wanna help an underdeveloped nation? Help them Mexicans develop their oil! Yeah, they’ve got oil. So do the Canadians. Also, war costs money. No matter how many hot checks the FED prints the pit is not endless. What would happen if all of the sudden, all the troops were pulled OUT of the Middle East and brought home? I hear it now, “Oh, Wilbur, it’s not that simple. If we do THAT they won’t have . . .wont have . . .no more money!” Then I’ll hear that the entire region will fall into chaos. Uh, look at it NOW! And they DAMN sure wouldn’t be worried about coming over here with a pressure cooker full of firecrackers. With no American money for military or the ability to sell oil they’d be worried about that next sandwich. Well, won’t they try to export radical Islam to everywhere? Look, folks,,I hate to be the first one to tell you this, religion is real nice, but most people leave their Bibles and Korans on the bookshelf, ok? Habib Al Mohammed is NOT worried about us on his way to the rug market so long as we’re not shooting drone missiles at his car.

Will the hate of America go away overnight? Well, no. We’ve had the clap for a long time. It’s gonna take a lot of penicillin before the burn goes away, but it will go away. Perhaps one day the Saudis will approach us again and ask, “Maybe you like buy Arab oil?” Why sure, Mohammed, but you gotta beat Texas prices and we are NOT gonna beat them Iranians off your ass so you can get it here.

Now Israel. Y’all thought I forgot, huh. We’ll be happy to help, but you have to give something BACK. Yeah, that’s right. Sell us something, and not trinkets from Jerusalem. Make a car, a computer, hell, a video game, SOMETHING! Start getting along with your neighbors. They’re not going away dudes. Give some of them a place to call their own. We even gave the Indians that! Hey, now there’s an idea. CASINOS! I mean, your whole country looks like Nevada, right? But get along. You think we got the clap? YOU got the clap! I can’t really tell you how to do this, but you better figure it out. And most Jews are just like anybody else. Once the rockets stop flying, and the rugs start selling a whole new mindset will take hold.

Will all of this happen? Nah! Obama will launch a new war in Syria, their leader will get a bayonet up his ass, and the Muslim Brotherhood will burn down our embassies. You know, maybe they’re right. We ARE stupid!

Can I Have An “Amen?”

By Wilbur Witt

In the 60’s I was a big time patriotic supporter of everything the government did, and stood for. I wrote letters to the local newspaper, spoke out against Jane Fonda when she came to Fort Hood, and cheered for John Wayne in “The Green Berets.” I was a nincompoop! Looking back with what we now know we were suckered into a war where we had absolutely no business whatsoever. The reasoning was, at the time, if Vietnam falls to communism the entire Asian rim will soon follow. Well, it did fall, and other than catfish it made no difference at all to the state of the world. Even the Chinese, who used to be communist before they met Steve Jobs, don’t give a crap about this turd hanging off the side of the continent.

Now, yet again, we are presented with a situation in some foreign land where we are charging in and trying to blend McDonald’s with boiled goat. Let my insensitive ass be perfectly up front here. I don’t give a damn about anything in the Middle East, and I’m an equal opportunity hater. I have the same lack of respect for Jerusalem as I do for Mecca. I think they are all overblown in the news and we spend far too much time worrying about which was the camel is gonna jump. But, that having been said, here we go again.

President Obama has signed an order to provide aid to rebels in Syria.
What are his reasons? Oh, thats right, he suspects that the government of Syria used chemical weapons. Ok, I’m impressed. That sounds enough like a human rights violation. But hey Prez baby, what about our allies, them good ol’ boys down in Mecca who will stone a teenage girl to death for wearing lipstick? We rub elbows with them all them time, even when they provide 19 highjackers for Osama Bin Forgotten, smiling in their Sunday sheets. What about them fellers?

If you try to get involved in camel dung politics you will end up with smelly hands They all hate each other, and they especially hate us. They have so many interpretations of the Qu’ran you’d think they were Southern Baptists, and brothers and sisters, they do ALL look alike! Can I have an “Amen?” Ask yourself, do you honestly like anything about the Middle East? Oh, my bad, they have oil, and if we don’t defend American interests over yonder then they won’t have no money. The MEXICANS have oil, and Mexican girls are beautiful! No Mexican village ever stoned a teenage girl for looking good in a pair or Levis!

I had an epiphany last night. I was sitting on the back porch having a ham sandwich when a voice called unto me. And the voice said, “Psssst!” So I walked up to the voice, and I said, “What?” And the voice got holy, and powerful, and resounded-duh. And the voice said, “There is something fundamentally wrong with people who won’t eat a ham sandwich!” (Apologies to Richard Pryor.) But we will get tangled up in a brand new mess. We will send guns and bullets, but no Bibles, cause they don’t allow that over there. They will fight their little war, kill the leader, and then the rag head, oh, sorry, rag tag winners will form a government, institute Sharia Law, and start exporting more idiots to our shores to further disrupt our cell phone service.

See why I support the Republic of Texas? I’m not nuts. I’m just a simple old boy from Austin who looks at Mexico and realizes that what happens in Mecca, or Jerusalem doesn’t affect the price of tacos one Peso! I like tacos. I believe if we formed said republic, drilled our own oil, took care of our own people, and ate our own food this country might be better off. Bottom line is this; supporting a war anywhere in the Middle East is NOT fighting for our freedom. NEVER using a Verizon phone again is fighting for our freedom. Deactivating the IRS is fighting for our freedom. Jailing every CPS worker who ever falsified evidence against a young mother in order to steal, and sell her baby, now THAT’S fighting for freedom! Insuring that Al Shaka Boo Boo can comfortably have sex with his fourteen year old “wives” is fighting windmills.

Can I have an, “Amen?”