NSA And That Nasty Ol’ Constitution

The NSA and the Truth
by Wilbur Witt

Forgive me, but I grew up in the 60’s. I have seen the government churn out every version of nonsense you could possibly imagine. I watched Lyndon Johnson convince us that a bunch of broke ass rice farmers were going to take over the world if we didn’t do something quick. Well, quick ended up being ten years, and we got a nice wall in Washington to remind us. Then I got to watch Nixon tell us he was not a crook and when he died they couldn’t bury him. They had to drive a stick through his ears and screw him into the ground. And don’t forget Carter, or on second thought let’s do forget Carter. Then there was Bill (Blow Job) Clinton. How about Bush? Both of them. Jr. Bush told us to forget about those rice farmers, CAMEL jockeys are taking over the world! And we follow suit every time with our tongues hanging out of the side of our mouths just like that stupid dog in Garfield comics!

Now we have the NSA. I have never seen a more lying, stealing, irrational bunch of idiots in my life. Now, I don’t trust Yankees in suits to begin with, but government employed Yankees in suits are on the very top of my list. I put them along about the same level as my Nigerian girlfriends. Ok people, HeadsUp 101. Whenever you use that radio you think is a landline phone SOMEONE is listening. The NSA isn’t special, it isn’t even smart, it’s that most of us are that nieve. Just like the scandal not long ago when people suddenly discovered Apple could locate its iPhones. Uh . . .duh! How do you think that iPhone finds those cell towers? Now everybody’s all pissed off because some government agency is listening to stuff they’re screaming from the rooftops.

What to do? Well the solution is simple. Yep, that nasty old’ constitution again. You see, government employees will always lie. Part of the creed. They have been tapping lines beginning just after Alexander Bell said, “Come here, I need you.” NSA’s sin was not listening, it was not reading . . .the constitution. It was not understanding the word, “admissible.” It was lying to Congress, which is no big deal because Congress lies to US! Snowden didn’t reveal anything new, and if you think he did I have a Rolex I’d like to sell you. I know it’s genuine because the pimp who sold it to me told me it was. Would I lie to you?

If the NSA had to get real warrants, not blank checks, real evidence being set forth for said warrants, not suppositions, and had to abide by the constitution there would be no problem, other than some hurt feelings. Listen all you want Mr NSA, but before you drag your lazy, government contracted butts into a court it better be straight up legal, and you’d better have a case!

I’m thinking of a word, ah, sequester! Yeah, that’s the word. How much would we need to cut from the budget if we just defunded the NSA, and turned that big old’ complex in Utah into a charity hospital? Wow! That cooks like Aunt Jemima’s flapjacks, but then, I’m just a simple old boy from Austin, so what do I know?


Snowden and the Honky Tonk Truth

How Far Do We Go?
by Wilbur Witt

As Mr. Snowden begins his journey to some safe haven we must look at the situation as it really is. I’ve already made it very clear my views on the government wiretapping an entire nation, basically, in an effort to secure our country, but the machinery is in full motion to incarcerate this boy. They are going after “criminal” charges for his outing of the people who took it upon themselves to wipe their asses on the constitution, spit in our collective faces, and lied until the room filled up with smoke from their flaming pants. Now, I’ll admit that anyone who thinks the signal their cell phone is spraying all over the universe is anything but private is living in a fools paradise, but we do have some expectation that if we haven’t done anything criminal we shouldn’t be subjected to such blatant survailence. John Boehner even chimed in saying the leaker was “no hero.” Well, maybe not to YOU, asshole, but to the 300,000,000 sum odd rest of us he’s standing pretty tall right now!

How far do we let this go? When one honest man can’t tell the truth without being hunted like an animal we have crossed the Rubicon. Charges should be pursued. Charges against every person who knew about this and said nothing. This kind of Tomfoolery is totally uncalled for. It is so asinine it defies description. Also, don’t tell me Verizon wasn’t in the know on this. I may be just a simple old boy from Austin, but I’m not THAT simple. Verizon compromised the privacy and trust of every one of their customers. There should be a mass exodus to AT&T. Verizon has forfeited any right to do business in the United States. I won’t even CALL someone who has a Verizon phone any more. And not because I have anything to hide. I’m posting this on Google for God’s sake. How much more public can you get? No, that is my personal, and permanent protest against a direct attack on the American people.

The real atrocity is that if and when they catch this kid no one will stand up. We will bleet like the sheep we are and watch him go down. And with him goes everything you ever believed in. Every idea you ever had concerning this so called land of the free. Loose lips sank ships back in the day, but Snowden didn’t sink any ships. He just sank a bunch of sneaky liars. God Bless the Republic of Texas!

When Bubba Finally DOES Shoot The Jukebox

by Wilbur Witt

I just love it when the government gets caught with its pants down and a big ol’ nasty case of ED. Such an exhilarating experience just occurred with the revelation that Uncle Remus, oh, my bad, Uncle Sam, was spying on all Verizon phone activity. Before I get started on this rant, I’d just like to ask how Verizon won the honors. I mean, what happened to AT&T, or Sprint, hell, CRICKET? If I were them I’d be pissed off! Don’t terrorists ever use othe services? I mean, AllahBell, or something like that?

Obama trotted out and called black white, wrong right, clicked his heals three times, whispered, “There’s no place like home,” and disappeared back into the White House. What he didn’t say was the simple truth, “Uh, we just tapped all the phones on an entire service, with the only justifiable cause being some idiot, somewhere in the world might say, ‘Bomb!” And look at Obama’s speech. Did he apologize? No! Did he say he was going to fine tune, or stop this? No! He was mad because he got caught! In fact a major investigation has now been launched to find the whistleblower that outted this mess. They readily admit that it had to be one of very few people who were in a secure enough position to have known about it at all, and could provide the documentation Someone right there in their OWN OFFICE! And when they do find this person they will crucify them, and for what? Telling the truth? And you think this group of “professionals” who can’t secure the keys to the executive wash room are capable of securing an entire nation?’

Ok, let’s go right to the pork chop on this one. Look at bombers. Now, I’m gonna get a little racial on this, so you liberals just sit your asses down, you can cuss me later. Jay Leno, I see you. How’s your cell phone working, Bub?Timothy McVeigh was a redneck obsessed fool, running around with a big yellow truck full of fertilizer. He had a history of being an anti-government nut, and Sheriff Buford in PoDunk County, Arkansas could have fingered him in a heartbeat. It took the FBI to screw that one up, and Timmy drove his big yeller truck right up to their doorstep and lit the fuze! Look at the two punks that blew up the Boston Marathon. Look at the guy Obama trotted out yesterday to justify this latest boondoggle. Look at the nineteen highjackers from 9/11. See where we’re going with this? Here, yet again, is a prime example of the American people giving up privacy, freedom, and dignity, hell, forget about that nasty old constitution, the administration wiped its butt on that a long time ago, in the name of that elusive, gremlin we have all come to know and love, National Security!

As you may know, I recently did a series of articles about Internet scams from Africa. It was quite funny, and I posted a lot of the dialog, but one fact was paramount. They ALL asked for money. They ALL got an absolute, “NO!” There are two reasons for this. One, I knew they were scamming, and two, wouldn’t sent five dollars to ANYONE in another country who is darker than me! Pass the barf bags to the liberals, please. It’s as simple as this; Grandma Hornbuckle in Austin, talking to her twin sister in Lampasas about sewing patterns is NOT a risk to National Security. Habib al Poopmydraws, in Ghana, saying, “Allah” every other sentence has a bit more on his mind than the price of dates during Ramadan. You just wasted a whole bunch of time and money screening grandma’s calls! And don’t tell me it’s all computerized and, “Nobody’s listening to our calls!” The very guy they drug out to prove that this idea worked was talking in code about MARRIAGE! And if you, Mr Obama, are so secure with this effort, where was it when one of the Boston bombers was flying to and fro to a country embroiled in war, terrorism, and clandestine activity as easily as going to Vegas for the weekend? Oh, my bad, last time I went to vegas the TSA had me take off my pants to make sure I didn’t have a pressure cooker crammed up my ass.

I would like to remind everyone, however, that Obama didn’t originate this loony tune surveillance. No, George did this. All this tells me is that something in the water inside the Beltway makes em crazy. They forget how to read, they can’t tell the truth, and they think the American public is as stupid as they are. You want to see bi-partisan? Look at the track record. When it comes to funding schools and health care they scream, “Sequester!” When it comes to drones, wars, and Don Quixote windmills, just write the check, the FED’ll print the money right on up!

The government is always going on and on about, “The greater good.” And they are quick to use terms like, “Profiling.” I find it disturbing that in a country where some woman in a full burqa can get on an airplane easily, that a young man can’t walk home with an iced tea and pack of skittles without getting shot! I’m just a simple ol’ boy from Austin, but did I miss something here? In a line at the airport two bozos talking in a language that sounds like they’re coughing up their supper go right on through, and the TSA searches little Amy’s Barbie doll! And they all look the same, folks. Dark skin, black hair, scruffy beard and pissed off! Meanwhile Americans, and I mean ALL Americans, even Juan and the boys, put up with this nonsense day after day after day. I would love to have a rule that states if anyone fitting the description of the nineteen terrorist from 9/11, the Boston bombers, or with a name you really can pronounce without spitting in someone’s face gets on a plane they must sit between Bubba Mitchell and Fernando.

America will return to sanity. It will take about ten years, but people are pretty fed up now and believe it or not, this is NOT England, we DO have guns, and we DO know how to read the constitution. We didn’t get this screwed up overnight and we won’t fix it overnight, but we WILL fix it! One day Bubba WILL shoot the juke box and little Amy will get her Barbie back, and Miss Hornbuckle will be able to talk to her sister in privacy. And you wonder why right thinking Texans just want to divorce this fiasco? Wow!