My Buddy Kim

I have a new hero! Kim Jong-un! That’s right, I Crappith Thee NOT! You know, the little short, fat Jap with the super model wife? I just said that to set off the liberals. I know he’s Korean, but those people all look alike to me. Somebody STOP me! Anyway, I digress. It seems there was this movie. You’ve all seen the promos. Two guys go to interview this rice burner and the CIA tries to get them into a plot to assassinate Kim. Now, let’s move from rice paddies to ivory towers, shall we?

Hollywood’s been on a roll ever since Dennis Hopper flipped those two rednecks the bird in the final scene of “Easy Rider.” I recently watched that movie again. I was amazed at how dumb it really was. Peter Fonda going around with that aloof look on his face and all those deep, philosophical lines, that made absolutely no sense at all puking out of his mouth. (Good thing his daddy was rich, huh?) They were searching for the real America until they found it, and got shotgunned off their weird, California motorcycles. After that it was all downhill for Hollywood. No subject was taboo. If anything was held sacred by the American people you could bet Hollywood would make a film about it, pervert it, and call it art! Oh, there were a few shining moments. “Patton” was one, but the promo twisted that. “Hero or villain?” True to the anti-war agenda they had to slant the promotion of the film by trying to say, “Yeah, we know it looks like this guy was all American, but we didn’t mean it.” I wish they’d made a movie where Patton blew Peter Fonda off his motorcycle.

Then here came the Internet and shows like The Young Turks. Now, don’t get me wrong, I watch the young Turks, but not for content. I just like the chick with the expanded chest. God, I hope she’s not a lesbian! SOMEtimes they’ll make a good point, but before the segment is done you can bet they will screw it up! Let’s see, good point, fairly well laid out . . . WHOMP! Dey it is!

And while this garbage spews out of California, people who have their heads screwed on fairly straight wring their hands and lament the content as Hollywood implies that Jesus was a polygamous bi-sexual who faked his own death in order to get a good job in Rome! Well, enter my little buddy Kim Jong-un. Sony pictures takes it upon themselves to make a film poking fun at him, which isn’t really all THAT hard, I mean LOOK at the guy. He LOOKS funny. And he pays good money for that haircut! He’s four foot nothing and loves basketball . . . go figure. He’s got that bombshell wife and those itty bitty feet. That’s a Texas joke. You Nortés ask your mama and she’ll explain that one to you. Anyway, the North Koreans haven’t got much and Hollyweird ripped that up. So what does ol’ Kim do? Does he kidnap one of their executives and send his head to the Oscars in a hatbox? Does he blow up the Hollywood bowl? NO! He hacks the beJESUS out of their company until they actually pull the film. Now, if that’s not cool I’m not a white boy from Austin. A stopped watch is right two times a day, and Kim was spot on. He gets the honorary rice bowl award for the ultimate film edit of the year.

SOME body had to bitch slap Hollywood and Kim showed them a Cyber-fu move like they’d never seen. And did you see how fast they tucked tail and ran? Even I was amazed. If that’s the only thing he leaves to posterity he’s made his mark. And I know that he’s a fanatical despot, but aren’t they all? He showed Sony, as Bruce Lee so aptly put it, “The art of fighting widout fighting!” Ah SO!

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Where’s My $5,000 American?????

Submitted for your consideration one Catherine currently residing in Cote d Ivoire, Africa. She/He/It greeted me some days ago asking me my status and giving me the usual story that she was a French transplant who moved to Africa because of the expensive lifestyle in France. She threw in the sad fact that both of her parents are dead. If you will note, many days later she told me if she came to see me I had to make sure her mother had money to take care of her. As usual, I told her the absolute truth about myself, but upon subsequent conversation I went ahead and punked her. Asked her at one point her size so I could buy her a night gown. Knowing that there was a 95% chance I was talking to a man I just couldn’t resist the line from Men’s Warehouse, “You’re gonna like the way ya look, I guarantee it!” I strung “it” along and when the answer (and the $5,000 requested) wasn’t forth coming we see the usual threat, “damage then.” She is the first line, with me alternating my responses every other line. Instead of a trip to America I booked her a passage to The Wilbur Zone. Ladies and gentlemen, Catherine of Cote d Ivoire!

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how are you ?

Fine, and yourself?

I’m fine thank you so tell me a little about you made your biiographie if you do not mind?

I’m a writer. I’m 61. I’m divorced. I’m a gentleman. I live in Texas

ah ok and t you call how you search anything on the net.?

Look up Weird Wilbur on Google

sorry I can not see

Where are you?

I life in Africa precisely in cote d ivoire but I am French and my first name is catherine c about you?

I am Wilbur. What country are you in?

Wilbur delighted me is catherine c I live in cote d ivoire africa precisely but I am of French origin because I have caused left France because of the expensive life in France since the death of both my parents in a car acident j expected that you understand me?

Oh, totally

so tell me about you, you think your life again one day c is to say is what you looking for a woman?

I’m single now. Getting my publishing together.

ah ok y me dicen que la investigación exactamente qué tipo de mujer?

English please

yes

you research what kind of woman?

Not really looking any more. Have girl friends but that’s about all.

yes it is just that I am not happy and I’m new on the net for one reason make me new knowledge to find a serious man who will love and m give me his true love heart

I wish I could find such a woman

and tell me what country you are living presently?
I life in Africa precisely in cote d ivoire

I live in the us. My wife died four years ago. We had a real estate business.

you life in which country?
I c is catherine of French origin unmarried woman without children soon 31years 32years working in a salon beautée

I live in the USA in one of my four houses

ah ok no worries then tell me why you have not found a woman with you? you think finding a wife on the net, you believe in the love of the net?

I have not really looked for one. I would like to meet one now. I would like to get to know her. If she is away I would bring her here

ah ok I understand you I’m not a rich woman and I live far away from you if it ever wanted to walk us how are we going to do because I can not pay my ticket and I think you’re really good as a man because you’re the kind of man I am looking for a man who lives alone

I live alone with my little dog. After my wife died in a car crash I moved from the house we lived in to the bigger house because I missed her. I guess I would have to buy plane tickets for you

ouii biensur me a transfer of money so I can do all my papers and also the booking of my ticket j hoped you understand? really sorry for your wife, but I also would like to j make your acquaintance because I am also unmarried and I would like to live with a serious man like you

Couldn’t I just buy you a plane ticket?
How much to you need to do your papers?

oh yeah if you want but then you have to make me clench a transfer pourque I can settle everything here because I live here with my mother and I have great store many things before my departure

Ok, how much money are we talking about?

j would need $ 5,000 to settle all my papers and store all my stuff too

How would I send it. I’ve never sent money to another country.

you realize in a position and you do request a warrant via western union j hoped you know well?

Oh, ok. I know Western Union

and you will also need to perform my data transfer

How do I do that?

ouii c is his you know if I tell you all this is that I’m really excited to meet you and if you m sending this amount will be living proof that you really alone and you really want to know me and me too I would be very happy to meet you.
well then as I have t say I’ll give you my address and you turn yourself in a Western Union agency you request to transfer via Western Union and through my contact you sending the money I t have asked for my papers and they will give you a transfer code of 10 digits as his I can removed the money once you give me the code. and you must also asked a question and gave an answer that all the parties in terms you understand j expected?

Ok

tell me you’re really inspired to do my meeting…?

You are very beautiful. Would love to meet you. This is so wonderful. I’m 61. I never thought such a young beautiful woman would want to meet me

ok no worries I see so I’ll give you my contact pourque can do the office? because I also never thought I’d find a serious man like you and your words still give me more eager to make your acquaintance as the age does not matter to me because I love looking for the true love of the heart

Good

yes I’m really sincere with you so I give you my address pourque you can do the office?

It will take about an hour. I have to run to the bank and they are open until noon.

ouii I understand you so I give you tell me yes or no?

Yes yes

Name: aman
first name: catherine elouah
Country: cote d ivoire
City: Grand Bassam
ok here is my contact you j Receipts well as expected thanks to its coodonnées the mandate you can do if you really want to make the mandate pourque I come to thee

Ok. Give me an hour. I will check on plane tickets too. I’m so excited. Do I need to put a code word for you on the Western Union?

No no you have not checked because I t did not give a fixed price but I t have asked for a sum or I can do all my papers because I have many things to do apart the ticket such as I have left a little of money to my great mother to do some shopping for clothes and many other expected day you understand

Yes. Then how much do you need?

not once you finish filling out the form with my coordinates of course they will give them even a code c is you who will then give me pourque I can withdraw money without taking the head you understand?

Oh, ok. Like I said, I’ve never sent money to another country.

I have totally need I say $ 5,000 American

Ok

yes I understand you then you can send that amount of $ 5,000 American? be sincere and honest with me stp

Give me an hour. I have to run to the bank. Also, what size nightgown do you wear ? I respect you. I’m as honest as I know you are.

lolll I laugh I am still connected now you go j expected you not play with me Wilbur?

I’m not playing. Believe me.

ok no worries then shows me that you are man of his word and I’ll prove it to myself that I want a man I will come unto thee quickly because I’d be very happy also

I am going to flood you with such emotion that you will quiver and shake like a school girl. You will never forget me. I really want to buy you a night gown. You’re gonna like the way ya look, I guarantee it!

ah good then you come back with the transfer references how long the pourque I can have?

It will take me about an hour, I have to run. What’s the size of your nightgown. I want to buy you one.

n is listening you have to buy a shirt m me everything I want to c is that you prove to me before you meet your words then go al transfer agency Western Union to me the mandate to $ 5,000 American so I can be after once reassured by your side I would be delighted to accept all your gifts

Ok

you’re gone? you’re gone? No more am writing you? c you see is what I was afraid if you were really serious and here for the answer for you! damage then
But why, you answer me? when you played with me it is his? attend the call . . .HONEY

To Catch A Nigerian

A Classic Sting
by Wilbur Witt

I got this little jewel this morning. It was so classic I had to do it for today’s blog. The script that this young lady (Mary, queen_roger909@yahoo.com)and what followed was classic. Originally she told me she was from Alabama. During conversation she introduced me to her best friend, Michelle, in LA. This is what is known as a third party confirmation. The mark just KNOWS it’s for real because “best friend” says it is Why would she lie? Unfortunately for them I’ve BEEN to LA, and she knew absolutely nothing about Southern California. Naturally, on the next chat we had Michelle’s grandmother dying (in Austrailia) and poor Michelle had to go there to settle the estate. Now, work with me here, this gets good. It seems Michelle’s father, an international investor, and general man about town, had been killed mysteriously some years ago and poor old granny was holding the family business together in LA, Austrailia, and (you guessed it), Africa!

Michelle told me all about it, even asking my advice on where to put this vast fortune she had just inherited. She told me that she was taking Mary (my new girl friend) with her down under to give her support in this time of need. So, they “embark” on the journey. Important point here nothing is as it seems. They aren’t going anywhere they’re not even in the United States . Mary did a test run at me just after she “arrived” in Austrailia, which I fended off. Naturally, she went to plan “B” blowing that off. That picture in that Tux’ll do it every time. So, I continued to receive occasional notes from her on Yahoo, even one where she got angry and yet again, vowed her undying love for me. Amusing point; Like “Mary,” I was working several subjects during this time and actually got her mixed up with another girl in Ghana I was punking at the time, and sent the wrong chats and emails to each. Good ol Mary didn’t miss a beat, she just kept working the script.

Her “return” date approached. (Suspense music please) According to her, she and Michelle were returning to “the state” on Friday. Now, I know there are people in the deep South who butcher the English language, but coming back to the “state?” Give me a break! I knew the sting could not be far off, but I didn’t know it would be this classic. It has all of the elements. Confirmation from a third party, international intrigue, vast sums of unclaimed money, and a sudden crises that involves MY money.

Although she claimed Michelle, who allegedly booked a flight for herself and Mary all the way from LA to Austrailia, was settling her granny’s estate, a miracle happened. They spent all their money on Granny’s health needs and now have nothing to eat! Now, she either was too stupid to keep up with the script, or she had me mixed up with another Mark. She needed $500. Of course, if you will note, she typed 500$. And, now this gets good, you cant make this up, are you following me, camera guy? Icouldn’t send it to her, I had to send it to where? You guessed it . . .AFRICA! Seems Michelle has this lawyer there who, in a few hours, will provide me with a Western Union address so he can receive the funds and of course, buy poor Mary and Michelle a Big Mac.

Ok, decoding time. There is no Mary or Michelle. They are working out of an Internet cafe, probably in Nigeria, though I have noticed Ghana is beginning to play predominately in this game lately. The “lawyer,” who is thrown in for legitimacy, and respectability, and a little more third party confirmation,is actually their pimp. There are so many holes in her script you could strain spaghetti with it. The sad thing is older men fall for this every day. They are robbed and left broken. I’m going to continue this series. When one of these people troll me I’m going to bait them and out it all up here. We may start a whole new series. Like To Catch A Predator, we’ll call it, To Catch a Nigerian, or something like that.

There are good people on the net. I have two friends, Sharon in England, and Crystal in LA. Sharon talks about various subjects, never money, and Crystal regularly visits Michael Jackson’s grave. Also, Crystal and I had a text conversation on Facebook during the Conrad Murray trial and let me tell you, brothers and sisters,,this girl was MAD! I have much respect for both of them as I do others I meet here. The rule is so simple. When a woman you never met asks for money it is a sting. One red cent! Never lose sight of that.

“Mary” is shown in the following with no brackets. I put Around my responses. My comments are in () If you will note she never drops the script. When I hesitate she sends the old Yahoo BUZZZZ, which copies and pastes as This is either because she is too ignorant of the English language, or she’s working too many “marks” at one time to sort it out. In the end she falls back on “our love” but apparently the pimp CAN read and she finally signed off. Just as I did with the other three yesterday I finally told her who I was and exactly what I was doing. I don’t expect to hear from “Mary” again!

Maestro, Intro music please!

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hello hon how are you doing today hope you are doing good….i’m happy that u are online now because we need to chat on some issue right now wilbur are you there i’m waiting here for u

hon talk to me i have missed you

hope u are fine oh hon i was just thinking of you since what are you doing right now hon

k hon i need to tell you somethings about me and michelle i have been waititng on here for u wilbur?

michelle have sign some of the document and we have received some of her dad document also but we have not collecting the check……hon i have spend the money on me with michelle and she also dont have much with her right away because we have use almost the money for her grand-ma treatment? (She originally went to BURY Granny!)

(Note that she ignores this question and continues the sting)

so i need you to help me out right away we need to get some food stuff and somethings also….so we will be planing to come beck to the state on sunday then i will come and neet u on my way coming back to the stat

hon why did you go off dont you love me again wilbur hon talk to me

(I went “off” because I was laughing and copying and pasting at the same time)

(Ok, I’m an asshole and at this point I’m trolling HER!)

yea

i know hon but please we dont have food stuff at all right away. (Now I really believe she’s short of food. That’s why she’s whoring on the Internet)

hon the money i need right away is not much…..you are the only one i will ask no more other person wilbur i have put my mind on you and i have promise to it’s you or no other person wilbur please i need 500$ hon will you make that send to me (totally ignored what I just said. Her comprehension of English is so bad that she canNOT deviate from the script.)

i know the money maybe too much for you to send to me at this time but hon i need that by tomorrow you will make it send through western union? will you send that tomorrow with my information wilbur are you there

hon i will send you michelle lawyer’s information to your inbox….. he has some africa country info
(Heeeeeeere’s JOHNNY!)

you know i dont have any information in africa the lawyer have so u will send it through his info…..but i will send is info to your email, in some hours when he send it to me (Now this is Michelle’s lawyer, handing the disposition of a vast international estate, and Michelle doesn’t have any contact information? Also, aren’t there Western Unions in Austrailia?)

michelle just call him now to send his info hon ….i will also make it send to you immediately he send that to us wilbur will you be on here for like two hours hon are you still there (Michelle just “call” him? Two hours? What does he have to do, crawl up on a hill and beat out a message on a drum? Forgive me . . .I’m just a simple ol boy from Austin.)

(Bait Bait!)

ok hon….i will make the info send to you in some hours please i want you to send it to me when you get the lawyer’s info…..i will also be online to know if you have make it send to me tomorrow

*Ok, at this point I went ahead and punked her. I certainly didn’t have the time to wait while she finished her shift in the call center, turned in her daily report so her team leader could process my money.*

oh hon why are you saying this i’m not what you think…..i was here because of my good friend michelle not because of asking you money but i just think i should ask you if it’s that the issue of money wilbur u can take hold to your money am not after ur money i have put all my mind and trust to you but you fallen my heart

JACKASS! JACKASS!

i’m not happy with you i though i have found who will love me and trust me but you make me said and cry all what am doing was just becuase of you i just dont want you to made any mistakes if you want to send that, that was why i said 500$ i add $ because i dont want u to made a mistake if you feel that am not real you can hold your money i will find a way but if i cant get i will wait till the lawyer come back you promise you will trust me,you also said you will be honest with me but now i cant even figure what is going on?

Roll the credits, fade to black to the theme from Exodus

Finis
What’s going on is a classic sting. Also, please be aware, these people are NOT spending the money on food. Before you feel sorry for this girl consider what I told her. In these times anyone soliciting money from another country is suspect. In WWII the saying was, “Loose lips sink ships.” Today “Loose wallets kill little boys in Boston watching their daddy run a marathon!” With all the hundreds, thousands, millions of dollars sent overseas each year like this, don’t you think some of it buys bullets, guns, pressure cookers? If you were a terrorist, and you wanted to spirit funds out of the US to the Middle East, how would you do it. Would you set up an account at Bank of America, or would you just get a lonely old man to send you $500 via Western Union? I’m going to continue this series. When one of these girls trolls me I’m going to document it and give it to you. Until then have a wonderful day, and God Bless!