I’m a Male, Chauvinist Pig

I am a male, Chauvinist pig. I want to put that out there right up front. I’ve been married six times. In Texas you are allowed seven marriage licenses. That means I have one tag left on my “Dear” license, so I’d better make this last one count. My issue is that I have difficulty maintaining a long term relationship with a woman. Oh, I get along great for about two minutes, come to think of it, that may be the problem. I’ve married everything from a New York Jew to an Arapaho. My mind is set in stone. I try to conform to Austin standards, and look only into women’s eyes, but it’s no use. Some girl walks up in a sun top, and jeans, and my mind digresses. Good news for womankind is that I’m getting to old to do anything. These days women are like the old Chief Dan George line: Candy not for eating, just for looking through. So now that you know my ideas you can only imagine what I think about Megyn Kelly.
Donald Trump mounted the stage for the first debate, and Kelly drew a bead on him. Did she ask his ideas on health care, foreign policy, the weather? Heck no! She was all pent up about some fat chick he poked fun at some time back. That was the understanding of Megyn Kelly’s politics. I’ll be honest, the only reason I watched that first debate was in the hope that she would drop something and reach over to pick it up.
It’s not all her fault. I’ve noticed that a lot of shows have the obligatory “hottie.” Even The Young Turks seems to always have some “bubble headed bleach blonde” expressing whatever “views” are pumped into her head for the ratings therein. Shucks, the The History Channel! Take any segment. It can be about King Tut. You will invariably see “Dr.” So and So, compete with khaki shorts, and her shirt tied up to her navel, and you’re supposed to be analyzing the embalming processes of ancient Egypt. Pardon me, I wasn’t looking at King Tut’s legs. I have had a thing for Nefertiti, though.
So it is with Megyn Kelly. Now, I’m not totally out in left field here. Please Google Megyn’s contribution to journalism. To begin with she’s employed by the Main Stream Media. You know the Main Stream Media. Ignore the droves of illegal immigrants streaming into the country, but giving Kim Kordasian lead story every time she passes gas. Yeah, that Kordasian! Qualifications are the same. So, the Fox News Network throws Kelly at Trump with a bimbo question. Pin up gets into a lame brained debate with a billionaire real estate mogul. Guess that’s why they call it the “Fox” News Network. Donald’s only problem is that he is rich enough to say what he thinks. Megyn says what they think. She will parrot whatever her handlers tell her to. In my opinion this woman has never had an original thought in her life. Her views on politics? I’m still checking the New York Times best seller list.
My mother told me that if I ever disrespected a decent woman she’d beat me in the head with an iron skillet. I think I’m safe here. The public believes whatever is on the front page of People Magazine at the supermarket during checkout. I saw a headline yesterday. There was a picture of Megyn Kelly with the line Trump Meets His Match. I suppose. Now where was I? Oh, yeah. . . I’m a male, Chauvinist Pig.
Simple Ol’ Boy From Austin