American Pie

Watched the movie “Apollo 13” yesterday. I’ve always been an “Astro-nut.” When I was a kid I sent for publicity packages from NASA. I got big manila envelopes filled with publications and eight by ten glossies of the astronauts. There were pictures of the earth from space, which was a big deal. If you grew up in the fifties with brown and green globes in classrooms, the image of the “big blue marble” was, well, revolutionary.

So, as I was saying, I was watching the movie, and right toward the end something occurred to me. As the men in the space capsule were trying to maneuver back to earth, not sure if the heat shield had been damaged by the explosion which aborted the mission, the entire country was on point. All eyes were glued to the news. America was one! There wasn’t any talk on TV about the government messing up, or lying to us, or terrorist possibilities concerning what had happened. All that was on the table was those three guys were our heroes! The best of the best. Three men reaching for the stars.

Then I began to wonder, what would have happened if that mentality had stuck? How would Vietnam turned out if the entire country had been behind our effort, right or wrong. What if that rag-tag army over there had watched news broadcasts of thousands of people standing behind the president and let them know in no uncertain terms that AMERICA was going to be there until the job is done? What would have been the result if after 9/11 we had jumped on Afghanistan and not got off until we HAD Bin Laden? Then, just tore up the country, and left after letting them know, one more terrorist attack and we’ll be back! We don’t CARE about your religion! Chew on a rock. And, I know there are some in other counties who say that would be American imperialism, but brothers and sisters, when you’re trying to make a point nothing beats a good ol’ number five butt whipping!

The reason these things didn’t happen was the government we trusted from WWII turned into a big, lie machine. The American people are not fools. They protest for a while, and then, when they get no results, they turn away. We all know the government is now by the banks, of the corporate interests, and for the foreign investors. I appreciate nations climbing out of the rubble of the last world war, becoming self sufficient, and all that, but the very idea of the Japanese building better cars than we do makes me want to puke! And I’m two-faced, too. I own a German built Mercedes because I KNOW the People’s Republic of Detroit simply cannot build a suitable car anymore.

Now, where is all this going. Well, that’s what the Republic of Texas is all about. It’s not just the succession deal. It’s all about bringing back America. We aren’t a bunch of psychos running around in tin foil hats. Well, most of us aren’t. The jury is still out on the Libertarian Party. We are people who are doing what the Yankees have forgotten HOW to do. We have crazy ideas. Ideas like half dollars with the image of Sam Houston on one side, and the Capitol in Austin on the other, made from SILVER! We think a man’s income is his money and no government should lay claim to any part of it until he voluntarily spends it, and then that money is used where he was TOLD it would be. We believe a man’s home IS his castle and if he abuses his wife and kids you call the police, NOT the CPS! We believe that people should be able to worship God in any way they want UNTIL they start preaching violence because then they have just crossed that line between church and state. Then they are no longer a religion, but a political party. We understand that when you write a constitution, with short, direct sentences, in simple English, and yes that’s ENGLISH, you don’t amend it to death just because it doesn’t fit your agenda. We know that we won’t have to have a constitutional convention. We’ll just use the American one. They’re not doing anything with it at the time. We believe that serving in Congress is an HONOR, not a profession, and we want men and women in the state house who don’t UNDERSTAND lobbyists! And oh, by the way, being in congress shouldn’t pay that much. You go to Austin, vote on this or that AFTER asking your constituents how they feel, then go home, back to work and live under the laws that YOU passed! We believe that government is like a bad dog that guards the yard, but when it bites one of the kids you take it to the pound. No government should ever be secure. TEXAS is TEXAS. The government just needs to pave roads, put out fires, serve and protect, and bus kids to school. Government is a raincoat. Don’t let the raincoat wear YOU!

This list could go on and on, but I think you get the message by now. Some of you think it’s unreasonable to imagine such a place, but I have to ask, “Why not?” Why do you want to give your money to a foreign government just so they can hire more people to come down here and rob you a little bit more? That’s what America has become, you know. The American government’s lips are clamped so tightly on the Texas Tit, that if we ever pulled them off riots would break out from New York to L. A. They would literally starve! And I don’t want to hear any crap out of a bunch of Nortés about how powerful America is, and how crazy Texans are. DUDE! Your MONEY isn’t even real. Get it right! And, if you will note, when NASA was largely removed from Houston we had to start hitch hiking into space . . .with the RUSSIANS!

After seeing that movie yesterday I realized America, the America I was born in, was essentially gone. I actually grieved. But then I realized something. It wasn’t really gone, it just moved to Austin.

Oh, one more thing. One of my buddies on RER says I’m his favorite comedian. I haven’t been very funny here, but have you heard the one about the two Rabbis coming into an Austin bar leading an alligator by a leash?


Watch Your Faucets

One thing that bothered me about the Libertarian platform was the attitude toward drugs. Fundamentally I think this is where the party lost ground because no one with one ounce of common sense would ever subscribe to such nonsense. Wanting to legalize, and regulate marijuana ia one thing, but opening the flood gates for all manner of mind altering drugs from grass to spice is another thing all together.

There is a vast gulf between someone who holds a job, pays bills, and enjoys a joint on the back porch on a Saturday night, and someone who robs, lives in the street and their entire existence boils down to the acquisition of another “rock.” We are not talking about the great Brinks robbery here, children, we are talking about someone who will slip in your yard at three AM to steal the brass water faucets from your garden to sell for one more rock, and don’t argue with me because I’ve seen it happen!

There will always be the weak among you. There will always be those who should not indulge in anything stronger than a cup of coffee. On the other hand there are those who drink gallons and are more productive than a Mormon Bishop. People come in many different flavors and one size does NOT fit all! Most normal people will confine their relaxation to alcohol and marijuana. Contrary to what your government tells you there are millions of people who use grass and would never be in the same room with coke. There are rednecks who work construction and never drink anything stronger than beer. Then, there is the subculture.

Call it Ice, Meth, Rock, Spice, or whatever, these drugs are all designed to addict and destroy. There is no such thing as “recreational use!” The user’s entire life is the drug. These drugs have two things in common. They are cheap to produce and more addictive than natural substances. The user on the first use, thinks they can control it. Let me submit; what if practically every person who took the first sip of a cocktail became a full blown dysfunctional alcoholic within one month of that first drink? That’s METH! That’s what you’re really dealing with.

The cartels are raking in the profits. The level of commerce and return on investment would make the old New York Mafia families blush. Their power is growing exponentially and their “rep” right along with it. A reputation is just that. It is a created image contrived to make someone larger than life. Verily, verily I say unto you NOone is larger than life. There is a ceiling. I’ve found one constant that remains true and never changes. All men can be killed. No gang leader is so omnipotent that one bullet will not solve his issues in the blink of an eye. Ask Billy the Kid. Oh, my bad, you can’t. He’s DEAD! So is John Dillinger, Bonnie and Clyde and Charles Whitman.

We have to make the cost of dealing these types of drugs so high that the very idea of dabbling in them becomes insane. In Texas when someone is arrested for possession there is a particular charge that most of them incur. “Possession of less than a gram.” This make it a lesser charge invoking state jail, or even time served in the county jail while waiting for trial. Now, let’s do some math.

I can already hear it from the peanut gallery. “Oh, Wilbur, now you’re talking about filling up the prisons with more drug users convicted of victimless crimes.” Well, let me clear a few cells. Turn all the marijuana users loose. There! See how that works? Now, let’s work on that Penal code. First time conviction of possession of these man made poisons . . . Ten years withOUT the possibility of parole. For people caught manufacturing and selling, capital offense with all the appeals we enjoy so much.

What about the business interests in Mexico? The militia is charged with immediate protection on the country when federal intervention is not practical. As Texans we need to serve notice on Mexico to get it right, and if they can’t then we need to show them how. The so called “immigration” issue is a symptom, not a cause. The under current is the massive amount of drug traffic is the power source driving the flow of human traffic streaming across the border and THIS is the difference between Pablo in 1966 and Fernando in 2014. Remember what I said about reputations? That reputation will evaporate when those tanks come across the river between Texas and Mexico and the president of Mexico is served with a declaration of war.

I hate to be the first one to tell you this, but there’s just no nice way to kill people. Mexico through weakness or design has fostered and proliferated the drug trade. The Mexican people are being held hostage and their so called”government,” and I use the term loosely, does nothing to fix the problem. Now, I know the liberals will rail against this article. I know Obama doesn’t have the testosterone or intelligence to take this action. I know it will most likely never happen, but it will work. Until then, watch your faucets!

Liberal Apples and Conservative Oranges

I just love it when people apply labels to me. Heck, better than that, I really love it when people put labels on themselves. You see, that’s the problem with labels. Once you subscribe to one you have to BE that label, and the definitions change so you have to keep abreast of the current status quo. A girl friend of mine, that’s girl FRIEND, not girlfriend, defined by touch, don’t touch, but I digress, a girl friend of mine tells me I am a conservative Republican. She considers me a gun toting, beer drinking, missionary sex type of guy who hates on everyone darker than me. I guess that means when I’m in California and get a tan I can include more friends. Also I simply must hate all immigrants. For the record I love half of the Mexicans because common sense tells me at least half of them simply must be women. I do drink beer, but prefer martinis. Uh, straight up martinis, not those apple juice concoctions the Yankees drink and call themselves sophisticated. I do have a gun. The missionary sex thing. Well, all depends on what she weighs. And I AM sixty-three now.

When I meet a young liberal chick the conversation usually turns to politics. Abortion, gay rights, guns, you name it, and what I really want to say is, “Hey, baby, we’re like, in a BAR, and you are a young, liberal minded, healthy DRUNK woman . . . aren’t you supposed to pay my tab, go to a hotel and rock my world?” They never do, of course, because for all the liberal nonsense they turn into rejuvenating virgins whenever you suggest they act like a woman. And with all the new twists and turns in rape laws these days I never have sex unless I have a signed contract and two witnesses in the room during the consummation.

Actually I’m not conservative or liberal, I’m just me. I wouldn’t date a man, but I’d probably marry three girls if I legally could. I support open carry, but I probably won’t do it because it’s uncomfortable doing so. Ever carry a gun on your hip? Well, there you go. I don’t wear cowboy boots either. I have many black friends but have never dated a black chick because I like short, white, young blondes. At the age of eight I fell in love with Tinker Bell and it stuck. Did you ever consider Tinker Bell being full sized and real? What to do with the wings during sex. Ok, I’m a little weird, live with it! Wonder if I can find a Tinker Bell costume . . .

Actually, I’m too old to chase women anymore. Two reasons: One, I don’t have that kind of energy, and two, I’ve already caught several in my lifetime and divorces are so traumatizing. I can’t get along with any woman for any substantial period of time. The reason being that I like to get up in the morning and do what *I* want to do. You get a girl and she says, ” What are you going to do this morning?” to which you reply, “I was thinking a cup of coffee on the porch, and reading the news,” and she says, “But you promised ME Starbucks!” Well, there you go. Half your freedom right out the window. And don’t EVEN try to have drinks on the patio. Bear in mind you picked this chick up in a bar, but the moment she moves in it’s, “Are you just going to sit there with a Martini all night?” Well, uh, YEAH!

Frenchi is the perfect girlfriend. First she’s street legal. Always nice not to post a fifty thousand dollar bond for taking a shower. Next, she is drop dead gorgeous, which is a plus at sixty three. Now I like older women, I just don’t like to touch them. She always has her own money, and that’s a biggie. Finally, she’ll hang around for a bit, and then she’ll get on Facebook, find some guy, pick up her backpack and she’s out the door until next time! The PERFECT woman. Oh, and she always catches the dishes before she leaves.

Now the above is as cock-eyed a lifestyle as you can get, but my friend still tags me as “conservative.” She considers herself to be a flaming liberal. One day I’ll run a few martinis through her and see what pops up. Until next time, same BAT time, same BAT channel . . . Boy! Did I just date myself with THAT one!

Still Crazy After All These Years

With midterm elections over it’s time to look to the future and address issues that have been cropping up here and there. First a little personal business, which I never do but you gotta air the laundry sometime. As a lot of you know we fought an epic battle with the CPS over my grand kids. I will NOT bore you with the details because they are boring. Suffice to say it destroyed our business, cost us a couple million, and in the end our family was scattered to the wind, BUT the babies are safe, and after several name changes they are growing up within the family. It cost us something else. Jackie went to ground exactly like she said she’d do, and I had to divorce my wife of thirty years to satisfy the CPS’ ego. My now ex-wife gave her business, her homes and her health to save the babies. She has suffered three heart attacks due to this pressure, surviving the latest two days ago. The good news is things are looking good. The family came together in support from all over the world, all but our little Jackie, but we respect her absence, and strength. She really did stand at the gates of the Alamo, and from her ashes a Phoenix rose. Sometimes all a person has to offer is their blood, and the little Jew from Detroit gave all.

Now to elections. I supported Kathie Glass. I knew from the beginning that a win was not in the cards, but once you are in the presence of Jackie, standing beside Kathie is easy! Now that it’s over I can speak freely. Kathie had some good ideas. I spoke with her one on one. Her problem was the Libertarian party. How can I put this? Let me see. Ok, the Libertarian party is as crazy as a fart in a hurricane. That about sums it up. The Gay Alliance shattered any semblance of unity like glass. There was a movement at the convention to vote NOTA, none of the above. I said it then, and I say it now, why drive all,that way, spend all,those hours, and all that money, to walk out of the convention with no candidate? And I listened to all these seasoned Libertarians telling me all about this NOTA crap, but, as always, I’m just a simple ol’ boy from Austin and that don’t make no SENSE!

There were improprieties at the convention. Candidates not eligible, candidates with warrants, and candidates laying in fields of blue bonnets with their butts sticking up in the air. (And they call ME Weird Wilbur!) There was no unity or purpose. Kathie took the nomination, but what did she get? She got NO support from the party as individual members pursued their various windmills. Well, it’s over, we lost, and we’re “Still crazy after all these years!” (You can swat them bees now.)

I did not agree with Kathie not supporting Doc Greene after his remarks on the gay lifestyle. I would have stood with him. He hated the sin while loving the sinner. I heard the broadcast. I read the transcript. That lifestyle is dangerous. It IS irregular. I’m not sucking up, but I don’t pick friends based on their sexuality. And I’m not a liberal. I just don’t have time for it. Doc stood by Kathie even after he stepped down from his position with the party. I respect that. I didn’t voice my opinion because we we fighting for a win, or at least a “show” in the horse race of politics. Well, we got that “show.” We showed our butts! I stayed in for the long haul, but I am no longer a Libertarian.

Now for a final feature. I missed the Doc Greene show yesterday, but I was on Mikee Bee’s show last night and from what I gathered there was a point of contention in the Raging Elephants chat room yesterday. I understand all positions. Mikee perceived statements as being told how to think. Doc’s position was a vote, so matter how hopeless, is still a vote. As I said on the show last night I hope all parties can meet on middle ground and work it all out.

One thing you must remember is the Apostle Claver runs this deal. It was his idea, his inspiration and his plan to change the demographics of the Republican Party to include more black people who have been mislead and double crossed by the Democrats. That’s the core of Raging Elephants. There are dozens of side issues, but that’s the purpose of the broadcasts. If the public likes the content the station will succeed. If not, change the format. It’s as simple as that.

So, finally, we are stuck with Abbott. (This is my surprised face.) Political realities. You need a unified party to win, and Texas women will not support baby killing whores no matter how “in” they come across. We still have a border problem. People are still in prison for smoking a joint, and the DPS is still ignoring the Texas constitution, marching to the beat of its own drummer. We have work to do! Usually I try to inject a little humor. Sorry I’m not very funny today, but did you hear the one about the two Rabbis walking into a bar with a alligator on a leash?

Little Red Riding Republican

Little Red Riding Republican

The children gathered round, their little faces glowing in the light from the fireplace, “Tell us a story, PaPa!”

“What kind of story would you like?”

“Something relevant,” the little girl said.

“Yes,” the four boys chimed in, “Relevant! Relevant!”

The old man lit his politically incorrect pipe, and taking a sip from his martini he nodded. “Yes, relevance is important.” He leaned back, drew in the smoke and began, the children’s eyes wide with expectation.

“Once upon a time there was a little girl who owned a coat, purchased by her grandma from earnings she had made from investments back when the old kingdom was strong. She was called Little Red Riding Republican.”

“Was the coat used, PaPa?”

“Oh no! In those days, before the dark times, there were great factories all over the kingdom. People came from other kingdoms just to buy things. But that was in the days of King George the first. As you know, he was deposed by Bill the Adulterer, who seized the castle with his Queen, the evil evil Hillary of Arkansas, or was it New York? No one ever really knew because she had the ability to shift change to the point where the people couldn’t even tell if she was a queen or a king, but I digress.”

The wind howled from outside the cottage, and the old man put another log on the fire. As the embers leaped within the fireplace he continued, “Subsequently, Little Red Riding Republican grew up in a time of war, for after a season, a season, and half a season of the Adulterer, the son of King George the first regained the castle, and the people rejoiced. They said, ‘The factories will now return. Grain will again fill the silos, and we will have more gold, for good King George the Second will give back to the people that which the Adulterer has taken!”

“But, they were wrong, weren’t they, PaPa?”

“Oh, yes they were! For King George the Second was not like his father. While he was away at joust an evil prince conjured up his knights and told them to ride on the backs of two dragons, and destroy the two towers wherein the wealth of the kingdom was kept, for he believed this would crumble the kingdom. King George the Second went on a crusade, but he could never find the evil prince. What little gold he had left he spent pursuing the prince, but the prince vanished as if he had magical powers. After that, God dimmed the light of his wisdom, and King George the Second began to imagine the evil prince was here, there, everywhere, and he saw windmills that existed only in his mind, and he pursued these windmills with a vengeance, even slaying other kings who had no such windmills. He even withdrew the ancient sword from the rock called ‘Constitution,’ and flung it into the great sea, and freedom was soon gone from the land.”

“And the people said nothing because they thought King George was like his father, right PaPa?”

“Yes, they did. They thought that he was a member of the sacred order of Republican, but in reality he was not. They had memories of great King Reagan.”

The little girl’s eyes grew wide, and she said, “But King Reagan was not a king, but the court Jester, right PaPa?”

“You are right. He constructed bedtime stories that lured the people into a false sense of security. King George the Second was using these bedtime stories to make the people believe the windmills were real. King George the Second made crusades against Kingdom after Kingdom, until he had exhausted all of his gold. Freedom was gone from the land and a great pestilence came upon the kingdom. The plague of RECESSION! He told the people lies. He said paper was gold, and that the evil prince was mounting a great army to make war.”

“Where did King George go, PaPa?”

“Well, that’s where Little Red Riding Republican comes in. She had been raised in the wisdom handed down from generation to generation. She had eyes of blue, and flaxen hair that fell down around her shoulders. She would take long walks in the country, and one day, during one of these walks she became lost and a figure appeared out of thin air. It was the black knight!”

“And no one knew where he came from, isn’t that right, PaPa?”

“Yes! He asked her where she was going and she told him that she was going nowhere, for she had lost her direction. He told her that he, the black knight would show her the way out of the woods by using a magic incantation he called, ‘Hope and Change!’ Little Red Riding Republican did not totally believe the black knight, but he smiled upon her, and she became vexed. But he was a member of a dark, and secret order. The Order of the Liberal Democrats! They lie, and steal, and vex the people increasingly.”

“And eat little children like us!”

“Oh yes! They eat little children even before they are born, and if they are born they steal them and give them to anyone who has the gold to buy them. The black knight so vexed Little Red Riding Republican that she began to believe all of his lies. Then, by way of sorcery, he pretended to show her a path out of the woods. She could not see that the woods were still there, but the black knight had fooled her by an evil spell called ‘misdirection.’ She began to run through all the villages calling, ‘The black knight will save us. Only he has the magic!’ And the people believed! The kingdom rose with such veracity that they gave the castle to the black knight and he became the king.”

“But, he had no magic, did he PaPa?”

“Oh no, he was practiced at the art of misdirection. Whenever confronted with the truth he would wave his hand and say, ‘Don’t look there, look HERE!’ And, while the people were looking at his right hand, his left would be doing all manner of iniquity. Soon the kingdom was under a cloud of lies called ‘Political Correctness,’ and no one could discern the truth for all wisdom had been taken from the land. People longed for the days of the great kings, but those days were no more. The Kingdom was not even a Kingdom anymore for even though his subjects were still believing the black knight’s lies, other kings did not, nor did they fear the black knight’s armies, nor respect his paper gold any longer. Soon the kingdom was overrun with bandits.”

“But, PaPa, what ever became of Little Red Riding Republican?”

“Oh, that’s where the story changes. She regained her wisdom by listening to a very wise oracle, Princess Kathie of Glass, and she began to read, and understand, and scales fell from her eyes, and she saw clearly all the lies and sorcery the black knight had wrought upon his kingdom. A new kingdom sprang from the earth, and the black knight gnashed his teach, tore his robe and ate his paper gold. The kingdom of Texas was born, and the people said, ‘We shall place the sword back into the stone called ‘Constitution’ and we shall set a seal upon it so that it may never be withdrawn again’ and the people lived happily ever after!”

The old man finished his martini and said, “Now, your children must go to bed for tomorrow you must be ready for school, and other people have jobs to go to. ”

“But, PaPa, what ever became of the black knight?”

“He was vanquished to a prison called CNN, where, to this day he tries to revive his scroll on racial division, but the people no longer believe, and they know that he, too, is seeing windmills that are not really there!”

Wouldn’t It Be Loverly?

Wouldn’t It Be Loverly?

I read the most amazing news story this morning. France up and dissolved the government and started over again. No civil war, no rhetoric, no Mike Wallace. Seems the socialist government didn’t make any money last year so the prime minister just said, “Ok, we quit. Y’all do something else,” but of course he said it in French.

I pointed something out last week, but it just flew by. Back in 1861-65 Abraham Lincoln instituted the civil war, and 680,000 deaths later he “preserved” the union while beating up half of it. I pointed out that concerning slavery England just passed a law. Of course for his mighty effort Lincoln got his brains blown out, and his secretary of war (who looked like ZZ Top) uttered those immortal words, “Now, he belongs to the ages!” Thank GOD!

It is astounding that the constitution, a document of utter simplicity, could be so perverted in just over two hundred years. A simple foundation of how a government, any government should act became so complicated that it takes constitutional lawyers, and of course seven judges to explain it all to the rest of us as to what it really means. The founding fathers clearly separated in their minds the difference between the country and government. The country is the people, the land, the economy while the government is whomEVER is at the state house voting on matters that concern all of us.GENERAL matters, NOT what we say, do or think! It doesn’t matter if that government is democrat, republican, or an Apache tribal council so long as it adheres to the basic rule which is the constitution. How simple is that?

When a public official takes an oath of office he or she swears that they will, “Preserve, protect, and defend the constitution of the United States,” no matter WHAT philosophy they may subscribe to. They can be an out and out socialist so long as they support the rules laid down by that original document. For that matter, Barak Obama IS and out and out socialist who doesn’t have the integrity of the now unemployed French Prime minister.

Think of of it this way. If tomorrow morning the entire American government stepped down, or at least the present administration, what would happen? Well, the speaker of the house would take the reins and the congress would just figure it out. That’s all. Dare say we just may discover that we don’t NEED some ego-maniac in the White House pursuing his pipe dream of Utopia. Just have a congress elected by the people and the lead dog gets to slam that big hammer down whenever everyone needs to get back in their seats. Kinda like elementary school.

Of course there would be some changes. For one we would need a declaration of war before we made war. We wouldn’t have to sift through dozens of executive orders because some guy in the White House got his shorts in a knot, and we wouldn’t have to listen to his wife’s opinion on ANYTHING! Kinda like a democracy. We would probably pull all our troops back and position them along OUR borders, which is where they’re SUPPOSED to be in the first place, and those little religious groups over THERE would just have to fight it out, and may the best man win. Just don’t bring that mess over HERE!

The AMERICAN congress would worry about making it easier for AMERICAN business to DO business instead of allocating billions to some make believe country that was prefabricated and designed to rile up the natives, and the police would be directing traffic instead of shooting kids down for jay walking. WOW! What a country! And whatEVER that congress did would have to follow the basic rules put down by that simple ol’ constitution. The Congress wouldn’t worry about gun control because the constitution says, “Hands off,” and the local sheriff would handle the rest. (Just like that wild west you liberals keep talking about!)

Of course we’d have national corporations trying to make money hand over fist and there would have to be people going to work so these companies survive, but you have to take the good with the bad. IF some ideology decides to come over here and blow up a couple of our buildings then the congress would meet, and vote, declare that we need to make a war on these cowards (tip of the hat to chief Dan George) and we would sent an army over to blow up their COUNTRY, and then we’d just come home and leave them to clean up the mess. Maybe put a monument in front of the Pentagon saying, “Do you want some of this?” If any country wants to run their country under some code of ethics that’s just plain WEIRD then they won’t be seeing any American tourists buying rugs there because we have Hawaii, and THOSE girls don’t wear BURQUAS!

Now this is all fantasy. We all know you can’t run a nation on simplicity and common sense. God forbid if we all got up this morning and the biggest thing on our minds was a church drive to get items out to California to aid AMERICANS who just suffered the worse earthquake in twenty-five YEARS. And taking some of that surplus money we no longer send to other countries to buy bullets to shoot back at us, and put into a real national health system, oh no, that would never work, but wouldn’t it be loverly?

Liberals, Conservatives, and the Rest of Us

Liberals, Conservatives, and the Rest of Us

When I was in high school Texas was a strongly democratic state. I frankly thought it was silly for a republican to run for any office and my civics teacher told me we had to have that to at least give the illusion on a two party system. Being a liberal was the norm and everybody sported that label. Some time long about Nixon the word “liberal” took on a new meaning. It was no longer a mindset that allowed the injection of new ideas it became accepted that liberals were that way because of their DNA make up. If you believed in America, in the rule of law, in mom and apple pie, you simply could NOT be a liberal. Then the polarization began. Old school liberals were like, “Yeah, I’ll use regular gas if my car will run on it,” and that evolved into, “I’m GONNA use regular gas because I want to protect the environment and that is the liberal thing to do!”

Global warming is a prime example of this mindset. Liberals universally accept the concept while conservatives simply deny even the remote possibility because Al Gore said it. Bottom line is earth gonna do what earth gonna do and no amount of debate is going to change that. Tell it to the dinosaurs.

Political parties are set up to get a block of people to march in lock step and vote one way in order to perpetuate a political agenda. That’s all they really do, folks. “Wendy Davis supports abortion, and I don’t really believe in that but she’s a liberal and so am I!” Let me tell you a closely guarded secret. When you step into that voting booth there’s no one in there but YOU. All the candidates are on display right there in front of you. What you have to do is listen to the candidates, sift out the lies, and vote for the one that more closely matches what YOU really believe. If they are democrat, or republican, that will not buy you one cappichino at Starbucks. If they are running for re-election just look at their record. It’s that easy. After figuring in the voter fraud factor if enough people do this we just might get something done. If a candidate did not at least TRY to do most of what they said they would throw them out.

If you follow the money most political agendas become clear. Take the war on drugs. I’m not going to bore you with figures but I will bore you with facts. Where is the money in the war on drugs? Drug testing facilities, the manufacture of items needed at those facilities, big pharma trying to sell a pill for $124 that cost three cents to make, career law enforcement and oh yes, let us not forget, all those privatized prisons to house all those potheads. If drugs were just legal for personal use big pharma would merge with RJ Reynolds and I’d be selling a product called Weird Wilbur’s Texas Best! Members of the cartels would be BACK working in car washes which is where they should have been all along, and rap singers would run out of material in about a month. Maybe two months, but we have to legalize prostitution too if we’re going to get that done.

So why do we have a war on drugs? Well, because along about Nixon-thirty the republican party decided to mask it’s ingrained racism, flavor it with a little good old fascism, and call it the silent majority. You know why the silent majority was so silent? Because they learned not to talk back. See, there a line there between the input of ideas and trying to be heard above the sound of jack boots all marching in union. And how is the drug war tied to racism? Well c’mon children, we know what kind of people do drugs, now don’t we? Close you eyes and imagine a dope addict. Now tell the truth…what color is he? Hey, I didn’t say it, it’s YOUR mind! I was thinking Judy Garland.

How can we fix this? Well, if you’re in a room that’s stinking to high heaven and several flushes haven’t solved the problem just flush one more time and see if it finally goes down. YOU are financing the war on drugs, abortions, weird marriages and all the other little things that impede your progress through the day. Just ask yourself. If you had to designate where your tax dollars are spent, and the government had to respect that wish, and EVERYBODY did the same, just how far do you think some Tom Foolery like the war on drugs would go? If you had the choice between national health care and a war on a weed what would YOU do?

To complete the circle here it isn’t liberals or conservatives who make up this nonsense it’s the puppet masters pulling the strings telling the rest of us that IF we are liberal or conservative we simply must believe this way or that. It’s no deeper than that. I use the war on drugs because it’s so ludacrist. If you really believe you can stem the flow of drugs coming across the border with a few dogs and fat guys in Jeeps have I got a bridge for you! We can’t even stop BEES from crossing the border. Swat them bees. Swat them bees.

NOTA Swims The River

There is a great fracture coming to the Libertarian Party. The absolute inability to form a cohesive unit at convention, and the members of the so-called SLEC proceeding onward through the fog shows a party in total disarray with no hope whatsoever of ever being a viable force in Texas politics. Swat them bees, swat them bees! Kathie Glass is a strong voice but the party just can’t seem to get it through it’s head that Gregg Abbott and Wendy Davis are not playing with us. They can’t see the forest for the trees.

There was a big movement to vote for some fella called NOTA, and I had some highly intelligent people try to explain to me about how NOTA was a real entity. After many points of order, and points of information I retired to the porch and had a point of Jim Beam. Good news was somebody else paid for the drinks. Bad news is Kathie squeaked by by the skin of her teeth while NOTA’s supporters searched the rest rooms feverishly for him. I think he caught the last train for the coast.

A considerable amount of time was spent trying to define borders. Ok, a border is a line where certain people stay on one side, and other people stay on the other. See, that’s why they’re called the “others.” Come to think of it I think NOTA swam the river. I heard we dropped off about 150 or so NOTA’s in Murrieta, California, much to their joy

Then there was this non-aggression thing. What that is consists of is while NOTA was a swimming said river the Libertarians were lined up on the far bank singing, ” Poka-dots and pink shoe laces!” Swat a few more bees. The end result is Kathie charging all over Texas in a bus trying to fulfill her obligation to the party while the SLEC runs behind her trying to let the air out of the tires at every Valero. Now please note I did NOT name any individuals. That’s because I want this to be a short article and I’m tired.

Keep Austin Weird!

Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll

Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll

Morality cannot be legislated. What a simple statement. You can’t imprint your beliefs about right and wrong, dirty or clean, fresh or foul on anyone except yourself. One man’s meat is another man’s poison. So why do we have wars on drugs, sex, and freedom of speech? We do it because we have this gene in our heads that tells us if it feels good for me it must feel good for everyone else. I can’t eat beets. That is the only food that will make me puke every time, but I know dozens of people who love them. We are all different.

You are always going to have a segment of the population that is two bubbles short of plumb. Jesus said the poor you will always have with you. The poor, the stupid, the gays, the religious nuts…it comes in a package folks. And Jesus was a pretty smart boy but even He couldn’t fix that. But we lay down laws about what people can and can’t do even in their private lives because “someone” has a better idea. If the government decided that Ozarka water was bad for us and passed a law I assure you tomorrow trucks from Mexico would be slipping across the border loaded with cases of water for twenty-five dollars a bottle. And Obama would be selling them water pistols.

Think I’m being facetious? Dudes and dudettes, the government has declared a war on WEEDS, spent MONEY on it, and the crop just keeps growing. They tried that with beer, too, remember? A bunch of crazy bitches went stomping around ranting and raving about beer and finally got their wish. Al Capone danced in the streets. A similar bunch of crazy bitches are currently parading around trying to forbid guns and CJ Grisham is dancing in the streets, probably going to write a best seller because a bunch of bats got their shorts in a knot. Just tell anyone that there is something they cannot have and they will double down on it immediately. Human nature.

Take prostitution. How in the hell can you make it a crime to sell something that you can legally give away? And they aren’t selling it, they are renting it. You only buy it when you get married. I know this because I’ve bought several. What’s the difference between a woman who takes money and lays down in bed once, and one who gets dinner, a car, clothes, an apartment, diamonds, and a funny looking little dog and MAYBE lays down once or twice a month knowing the man is married to someone else? Well that would be a whore, too, folks but there are no laws forbidding her to make her living any way she sees fit.

And rock and roll. Loosely translated that means any lifestyle YOU don’t agree with. Gays, polygamy, communes, you name it. If it don’t sell at Walmart you can bet there’s a law against it. If someone decides to buy a generator, sink a well, grow his own smoke and veggies and shacks up with three girls the SWAT team is on the way. And if two men want to hold hands it’s the end of the world. Now, I have nothing against two men holding hands. It’s when they try to write laws telling me they want to,hold MY hand that we have a problem. And there you go! What was forbidden is now cool so some want laws making it obligatory that everyone has to hold hands with everyone else. IT DON’T WORK LIKE THAT! That’s just one more group imposing their morality on the majority. Reflect back on crazy bitches cited above. And it’s not that I don’t appreciate crazy bitches. If you ever have a crazy bitch you’ll never go back to straight.

What to do? In a word, nothing. Don’t legislate, regulate. People are going to screw, talk and make their head spin. Gonna happen. Accept it. Legalize all drugs. One step farther; if a crackhead can’t afford crack give it to him. If he wants to break the habit help him. Oh God, Wilbur. That’s crazy. What about the cost? Well, uh, compare it with border wars, prisons, the cartels and ruined lives vs just putting it all out there and taxing the crap out of it. Look folks, only a small segment of the population will do those things. And gays, I hate to be the one to tell you this but that includes you, too. You will never be a majority. If we legalized drugs, prostitution and love the cartel would be applying for jobs at Walmart TOMORROW.

You will still have the same people doing all of these immoral things, but you just wouldn’t have to put up with the bull shit, ok? Now there’s a way to clean up the environment. A shit free world. Sex, drugs, Rock and Roll, with no additives.

The Leave Alone Party

The Leave Alone Party

I generally try to keep my posts to others clean, but in my articles I will salt the prose a bit, nothing as bad as a rapper, but a little Texas flavor. What gets me is when people who’s lives are obscene get their shorts in a knot when they hear me or anyone else throw in a word here and there. What further provokes me is that these same people want to indoctrinate our children with their perversion as if it is a normal situation. I made a statement in an article that no one wanted their child to grow up to be gay and got a host of people telling me how they would “accept” it should that ever happen. Of course I was called a bigot. Their twisted logic is so profound that when I put up a satirical post yesterday about the percentage of rape victims who would become pregnant I included a tongue in cheek comment about the offspring of gay men and got responses defending the rights of gay couples raising their children. I had to explain that two men simply cannot make a baby…well, maybe in California.

At any rate, whenever someone uses the word “Chaplin” in their name I have the good common sense to articulate my views. I was raised Baptist, became Catholic, and am covered UP with Mormons. The radical left freaks out when I remind them of those facts, but the simple truth is the US is a Christian nation formed by Christian men on Christian principles. Not Moslems, not Hindus, not Buddhists! Deal with it! This country will always be Christian. About the only good thing to come out of the immigrants streaming in from Mexico is that if they are Mexican they are probably Christian and heterosexual.

Our problem is too many people do not just stand up and say, “I don’t agree with that, and never will!” Standing up comes in many forms. Civil disobedience is one of the best forms. The very idea that you have to be “licensed” to defend your life is absurd. Therefore I repealed that law. I carry a gun whenever I feel I need to. Just go into any convenience store in Killeen at eleven o’clock and tell me how safe you feel. Even a dog has the God given right to bite, but we don’t muzzle all dogs because of one bad dog. People are so caught up with not offending anyone that they, themselves become the offended. Of course people have a right to live as they want to live but I reserve the right to my opinion. The Gay lifestyle is dangerous. Using drugs indiscriminately is dangerous. Plotting your life without a moral compass is dangerous, eating convenience store burritos is dangerous so don’t get mad when I point these things out.

When I say things like the above I don’t do it just to offend. I do it to make people think, and perhaps a few will sit up and say, “Yeah! Now that’s what I’m talking about!” You see, if enough people just do that we can turn thus mess around. Politicians are a funny lot. If they perceive public opinion turning they will follow the lead. They know that if they don’t then they will have to find jobs, and that’s unthinkable. The pendulum swings this way and that. This is a natural law. The universe is composed to opposites. Light and dark, hot and cold, male and female. Our social consciousness has hit to extreme left. This cannot maintain. Sheer force of population demands a return to center. Only problem is that the rod never stops at dead center. It continues to the opposite extreme. This is never good but it’s the way it is. What we, as Christian conservatives need to try to do is hold the line against extremism, even our own. I do believe in allowing adults to chart their own lives but not chart MINE! If a Gay Chef wants to live with his boyfriend, oh well. Will I not eat his prime rib? Of course I will. If he ends up with AIDS I’ll hand him a Bible and hope he reads it.

I’m going to start a new Political Party. The Leave Alone Party. If it doesn’t concern you leave it alone! We can’t all possibly agree with every aspect of our existence. We do all agree one most things. Concentrate on those things. If you abide by just two rules, don’t believe in anything you can’t see or verify, and don’t worry a bout things you cannot change. There! That takes care of ninety-eight percent of your problems. Take four aspirins and call me in the morning.