Super Tuesday and Hand Sizes

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Super Tuesday and Hand Sizes. That’s what “Super Tuesday” boiled down to. Silly me, I thought we were trying to have an election, and here we’ve come down to a contest from a biker bar. I’m cool with that. Glad to see that the elite are on my level. First, let’s look at the results for the be big show last night. Remember when I told you about Trump’s southern strategy? Well, like the Homeys in Killeen say, “Whomp! Dey it is!” I pointed that out first, and if Alex Jones or Glenn Beck take credit for that observation I’m gonna get mad! For the record, they totally missed it.

Let’s go from bottom to top, shall we? Rubio. You know, Marco is a Cuban from Florida. Why do I keep having visions of Al Pacino? The term, “Scarface.” Ok, forget that, let’s just look at the number. Wait, there are no numbers. Oh, my bad, Minnesota. I guess that counts for something. Now, the skinny. Untethered by facts he went straight for the hands. Now, I’m crude, folks. I had a forty year career as “Weird Wilbur,” and given enough Jim Beam at a party you’ll hide the women folk. I’ve tempered a bit, but I’m older, not dead. Anyway, Rubio centered on this for all to see. Head’s up, Marco, it’s the shoe size, not the hands. (Mine is a 12 EE.) Trump didn’t respond, which was expected, but personally I would have run with it. To Trump’s credit, he didn’t.

Ted Cruz. For Ted it was “TwoFer Tuesday.” He got Texas, and for someone to win their home state is sort of like, “Look, my mommy voted for me!” Actually, Ted lives here, so he most likely put more time into the Texas primary than he did, say, Alabama. He picked up Oklahoma, too, but heck, they always do what we tell them to do anyway, and the delegate count isn’t, as the Donald would say, “Yuuuuge!” I’m not going to pick on Ted too much, I mean, at least he didn’t start a “measuring contest” in some Miami bar. He is a consummate politician, and will chart his course. He will be a force to contend with at the convention, and planks are almost as important as candidates when the rubber hits the road. The nominee will be standing on a platform made from planks put there by people like Ted Cruz. I was taken aback when Trump called him a liar during the last debate. Hey folks, they’re all liars. That’s why they’re called, “Politicians.”

Bernie Sanders will never beat Hillary. He came out recently saying that no one needed a gun for self-defense. Bye Bye eighty percent of possible supporters. Stupid is as stupid does. Well, he won his home state. (Look, my mommy voted for me.) I’ve seen these hippies come and go. Same logic, same crowd, same results. (George McGovern.) I’m glad he’s had a job for the last three or four decades, but it’s time to get his Wikipedia listing and move on. Now, Trump is a yankee, but Sanders is a YAAAAAANNNNNKKKKEEEEE! I don’t know if he was even on the ballot in Texas. Guess he was, there are laws, but nobody noticed. And he looks like a hippie. Frankly, he looks like Timothy Leary. I loved that cameo Leary did in a Cheech and Chong movie, but that’s another matter.

Drum roll please! HILLARY! I watched her speak last night. All I can say is that she showed up in a timely fashion, which is more than I can say about Cruz. I sat there, iPhone in hand, waiting for him to come on stage, and after three beers I peed on the fire and called in the dogs. That’s when I found Hillary. How do I put this? She had this Muslim chic correctly positioned to her rear left, wearing that thing they have to wear on their head to keep from being stoned, and she smiled every time Hillary opened her mouth. Frankly, I was waiting for her to reach into her blouse and pull the string. Do Muslim women get seventy-two virgins? Deep theological stuff there! Anyway, I was trying to place what was familiar about Hillary’s speech, not the content, I’ll address that shortly, the tone, and then it hit me. The female computerized voice you hear when you get a wrong number on a cell phone. The speech itself was a series of sound bites that evoked cheers from the crowd no matter what she said. “Make America whole again.” She centered on that as a counter to Trump’s “Make America great again,” because she didn’t have anyone on staff smart enough to come up with something cleverer without borrowing. Then she turned and wandered off into the crowd like an Alzheimer’s patient at medication time. Nod, Nod, Smile, Smile, roll the credits, fade to black.

Trumps plan worked exactly like I said it would, and he’s in Florida right now serving up Scarface a second helping. Oh, my bad, Rubio. Whatever happens in Florida is of no consequence. If Trump wins it’ll be a big slap in Rubio’s face, and if he loses (My MOMMY voted for me!) Trump will be the nominee. I read that in a political article yesterday by a man who hasn’t missed a guess in like, thirty years! He will be president if we can guard all the cemeteries on election night. You know among democrats that night is known as “The Night of the Living Dead.”

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How to Shoot Hillary From the Saddle

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How do you shoot Hillary out of the saddle? Actually, it’s easy because she’s doing it herself. Hillary has convinced herself that guns are the key issue to winning the White House. She thinks that the majority of the American public wants all guns picked up, and melted down, with a ramped up 911 system to replace the Second Amendment. Inside her little bubble she can see no farther. Meanwhile Trump, and Sanders skirt the issue, and let her dig her political grave.

The hypocrisy is profound. Talk about disarming the American people while surrounded by armed guards. Wendy Davis did the same thing. She traced off to the Rio Grande valley expounding abortion to a bunch of Mexican Catholics. You can’t make this up, folks, she really did that! I think Mexican American voters who never voted in the life voted in that election. Their burros voted in that election! She wanted to turn Texas blue. Well, didn’t work, did it. About the only thing she got was the cover of Texas Monthly, and a dollar to take a bus downtown to have a rat gnaw that wart off her face.

Why to politicians make such stupid mistakes? I don’t know. Why don’t catfish have kittens? Why didn’t Hitler paddle across the English Channel, and move into Buckingham Palace. Advisors! Advisors don’t tell what they know is right, they tell what the politician wants to hear, and what they’re paid to say. So Hillary parades around the country with the winds of destiny blowing in her hair, and Trump packs up for the White House.

I saw her ad on TV last night. It was the biggest PR run I’ve seen in years. Absolutely off the mark, but it looked good. Shucks, she even looked good, which is going some because even her young’un doesn’t look good. Frankly, I didn’t know Hillary had saved the planet until I saw that ad. Of course in the end you got to hear, “I’m Hillary Clinton, and I approved this ad.” Gee, I thought that was Bill’s job.

Politics are a paradox. The more you hear the “Stop Hillary” slogan, the more she is raised up. Simple logic: You don’t have to stop someone who’s not going anywhere! See how that works? Same thing happened with the recent video, Cruz is more dangerous than Trump. This cackle babble head in a box explains how Ted Cruz’s beliefs will destroy America, and every single thing he says is in complete concert with the Tea Party! Even called Ted a Constitutional “Originalist.” That’s a new one on me. What’s that? Ted reads the Constitution just as it is? So, I’m supposed to not vote for Cruz based on that?

Hillary is riding on her name right now. People will show up just to look at her. People, crowds will show up to see El Chapo, ok? Notoriety does not equal nomination.   Trump needs to make note of that, too. Cruz is a consummate politician. Trump counts heads, Cruz counts votes, and counts the votes that count. You can stomp around Iowa for a year, and not get the votes you’d get from having one sandwich in L. A. Ask Romney. Got that Utah vote, huh, Mitt?  Ground swell, and grass roots support are important, however. The sheer volume of interest amounts to some votes. Just seeing the name, “Trump” on the ballot is worth something.

Now I want you to notice, with all this information, and input, Hillary will continue to ride the anti-gun train right into the desert. It sounds good. She thinks that’s what everyone wants to hear. She dodges certain issues. If Sanders wants to win, all he has to do is change his name to Bernie Ben Gazi, and she’ll never mention him again. Guns? BANG! The shot heard ‘round the world, and Hillary will fall from the saddle. We saw the end of the Bush era this week. Soon, before this is over, you will see the Clintons ride into the sunset, too. Fifty years from now school children will giggle at their carryings on. We’re not laughing right now.

Slobber and Vote

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Slobber, vote. When watching politics one must remember that. Donald Trump is unique in politics in that I cannot recall someone not versed in politics coming this close to nomination for the top slot. There is a vast array of contenders, agreed one less this morning. (Bye bye Bush “die-nasty.) There are ideals, prejudice, and historical influences that play into the mix, and folks, that never changes.  I’d like to begin by exploding a myth, and losing a couple million subscribers. Obama didn’t divide the country. WE did! The first black president just removed a band aide, and exposed the innate racism that was always there. (Tip of the hat to Kent Franks.) Politicians use racism, and boys and girls, it works! In Austin there is a painting, “Dawn at the Alamo,” and creeping up behind Col. Travis is a leering, crouching Mexican. Cartoon caricatures of Japanese in WWII had slits for eyes, and huge buck teeth. People are attracted by like people are repelled by UNlike people, to which when they are repelled they will assign attributes to those people, and if they can’t come up with any, a politician will be more than happy to fill in the blanks for them.

Donald Trump is a bell ringer. The general population is just a bunch of Pavlov’s dogs. You ring the bell, they Slobber at the mouth, and they vote. “Hope and change!” Slobber . . . vote! “Free college,” Slobber. . . vote!” “Them Meskins are the whole problem!” Slobber . . . vote!” Is this a bad thing? Not really. You have to get a certain amount of “Slobber, Vote” if you ever expect to gain office. This is how politics works. The trick is to demonize the other guy’s Slobber voters while elevating theirs! All Sanders supporters are a bunch of homosexual potheads, but Trump supporters are all New York stock brokers. See how that works? And all politicians play that good ol’ race card! Oh, they do it low key. They just count heads and demonize the losers by dodging the issue. Sometimes, it’s just a word. “Immigration.” Slobber. . . vote!)

“Oh, Wilbur, you just called most of the voting population a flock of ignoramuses!” Well, yeah. Only about three percent of the voters do so from an informed position. Informed being knowing what they want, and fully aware that any candidate is only going to deliver about a tenth of what they promised, but will go with the lesser of two evils. I don’t even know what the percent of voters are on food stamps, but I’m sure it out numbers the afore-mentioned employed voters, and boys and girls, the welfare vote is not predominantly black! Whites comprise 62.6% of the US population, while black run up to 13.2%. Unless you are a functional idiot you must conclude that the blacks simply do not have the sheer numbers to outrun us crackers down to the welfare office.

There has always been an awareness of our different backgrounds. We need to change “awareness” to “appreciation.” When a person my age even mentions this awareness young people cry, “RACISM,” because they don’t know anything else. They have been trained by their handlers to believe that is the trump card for any discussion, and if they can attach that tag to any candidate you get, “Slobber . . . vote!” While Sanders people are slobbering after “free stuff” Trump supporters are slobbering after Mexicans.

And Hillary. Do you want to know what’ll happen if she gets elected? Exactly what happened the last time she took office. Nothing! This woman has never achieved anything except a date with Yoko Ono. She lost her law license in 2002 for not competing her “MCE” (mandatory continuing education.) Now it’s uh, 2016! She’s a tad out of date, but shucks folks, it’s an Arkansas law license. Hey, Arkansas legal question: If you are married in Arkansas, and divorced in Arkansas, are you still brother and sister? All jokes aside, this woman has never done a thing in her life except marry Bill, and even he had to find a date. She comes up with nice little sound bites before congressional hearings, “What does it matter?” In public she smiles knowingly, but in private cusses like a sailor. I don’t know if she has a drinking problem, but I do know she can’t walk a straight line without falling and bumping her head, but no harm done, there’s nothing vital there. She is falling prey to the same thing that took Jeb Bush out last night; the unbending faith that the machine will pull her through, and it might. Slobber. . . vote!

Ted Cruz. Ted is a wild card. He knows how to play the game. And he’s not playing. If Ted had had his way a couple years ago he’d have put the entire government in the unemployment line. He knows the constitution, believes in God, America, and mom’s apple pie. Naturally he offends gays, illegal immigrants, movie stars, and Michael Moore. While these people have no problem at all with Obama’s lineage, they’re all bent out of shape by Ted’s father, birthplace, and skin tone. Hey, if a witch doctor from Kenya can be president so can Ted. At least he doesn’t believe that Joseph built the pyramids to store grain for Pharaoh. Sorry, Dr. Carson, but you really said that. (Is he still running?) Both Trump and Cruz demonstrate something that’s been coming for a long time. Remember that pendulum I told ya’ll about a long time ago. Well, it’s swinging back to the right. It has to go all the way to the right before it turns around again, and comes back. It never stops in the middle, folks. Slobber, vote! Trump has a huge following, and Cruz knows just how to take it, and run with it. Did anyone say, “Iowa?” And don’t give me that stuff about dirty tricks, or cheating, he just won!

The only way Bernie Sanders will take the nomination is if Hillary dies and her body disappears. If they still have the body, the Democrats will nominate that. Maybe they could elect the body, and just let Bill do the job. That’ll work. Anyway, wanna know why Romney didn’t win? ‘Cause he was a Mormon, that’s why. I pointed that out way back when he through his hat in the ring ink 2011, and years later the MSM tenderly approached that simple fact. Just understand, Sanders won’t win. Those who have ears, let them hear.

Hillary’s got the machine, Trump has the numbers, and Cruz has the know-how. That’s how it really breaks down.  When the gate opens, and the ponies run, you will see lots of sex, lies, and video tape. Hillary will wave aborted fetuses, Cruz will wave the Bible, and Trump will wave his wallet. On the first Tuesday of November the bells will ring, the polls will open, and the population will. . . Slobber and vote. God save the King!