Syria

Syria
by Wilbur Witt

When the towers fell it was a huge blow, and a huge wake up call for America. Even though we stood on the brink of the 21st century, we still rested in the comfort that we were insulated by two oceans from the rest of the world. With our military, and wealth we were very aware that we could touch THEM, and in our minds, THEY could never touch US. I think it’s ironic that THEY used our very method to make the world smaller to do precisely THAT!

So, we embarked on Afghanistan. I’ll be honest with you, when the towers fell I didn’t exactly know where Afghanistan was, and Bin Laden had never been mentioned to me. I knew that Israel was always pissed off at the Arabs for this or that, but that was over THERE and we had them oceans, right? When we invaded Afghanistan I was right up there in front wanting to kick their little brown asses all over the desert. That is until Bin Laden jumped on his camel and rode right through our lines and we degenerated down into Vietnam II, Fun In The Sun. We now know that while we spun our wheels in Afghanistan Bin Laden ate dates and watched his greatest hits on TV as he dyed his beard.

Then came Iraq. Surely, the King of the Kiber Assholes had SOMETHING to do with them towers. Never MIND that he was a Sunni not a Shiite (http://religion.answers.wikia.com/wiki/What_are_the_different_types_of_muslims) we didn’t need no stupid FACTS, we had WMD’s to find. Well, we caught a tired old man in a hole and inherited tribal rivalries over 1600 years old that the ROMANS couldn’t fix!

We actually didn’t have to invade Libya. It was so busy imploding we didn’t have time to get there. We cheered on the Muslim Brotherhood and they followed suit by dragging the leader of that country out of a sewer and sticking a bayonet up his ass. Only problem was that in short order they stuck a bayonet up OUR ass! Egypt, same thing. One revolution after another, damn, I thought I was looking at 1920’s Mexico!

So now we come to Syria. Big trouble in Syria. They have this guy running the country, in a nice suit, and our old buddies, the Muslim Brotherhood, wants to stick a bayonet up HIS ass! Does anyone see where I’m going with this? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Oh, it’s all about human rights. If we were that worried about human rights we’d invade Saudi Arabia. Oh, it’s the oil. (See previous statement.) So just why are we positioning to invade some PoDunk nation without a Walmart? Now, I’m just a simple ol’ boy from Austin, but lets think about this. Who’s interests are being served. Practically every leader in the Middle East is dead or deposed. There is no oil in Syria. There are two nations over there unscathed. Saudi Arabia and Israel. And by unscathed I mean their political structure is still sound. Israel takes a lot of hits, but the Saudis seem to be fat, dumb and happy.

Where am I going with this? Well, to begin with, as a naturalized Texan, I find burning Middle Eastern gas in my car repugnant. When you have oil right under your feet, and you’re importing it from people who hate you, and screw with prices you are an idiot. You wanna help an underdeveloped nation? Help them Mexicans develop their oil! Yeah, they’ve got oil. So do the Canadians. Also, war costs money. No matter how many hot checks the FED prints the pit is not endless. What would happen if all of the sudden, all the troops were pulled OUT of the Middle East and brought home? I hear it now, “Oh, Wilbur, it’s not that simple. If we do THAT they won’t have . . .wont have . . .no more money!” Then I’ll hear that the entire region will fall into chaos. Uh, look at it NOW! And they DAMN sure wouldn’t be worried about coming over here with a pressure cooker full of firecrackers. With no American money for military or the ability to sell oil they’d be worried about that next sandwich. Well, won’t they try to export radical Islam to everywhere? Look, folks,,I hate to be the first one to tell you this, religion is real nice, but most people leave their Bibles and Korans on the bookshelf, ok? Habib Al Mohammed is NOT worried about us on his way to the rug market so long as we’re not shooting drone missiles at his car.

Will the hate of America go away overnight? Well, no. We’ve had the clap for a long time. It’s gonna take a lot of penicillin before the burn goes away, but it will go away. Perhaps one day the Saudis will approach us again and ask, “Maybe you like buy Arab oil?” Why sure, Mohammed, but you gotta beat Texas prices and we are NOT gonna beat them Iranians off your ass so you can get it here.

Now Israel. Y’all thought I forgot, huh. We’ll be happy to help, but you have to give something BACK. Yeah, that’s right. Sell us something, and not trinkets from Jerusalem. Make a car, a computer, hell, a video game, SOMETHING! Start getting along with your neighbors. They’re not going away dudes. Give some of them a place to call their own. We even gave the Indians that! Hey, now there’s an idea. CASINOS! I mean, your whole country looks like Nevada, right? But get along. You think we got the clap? YOU got the clap! I can’t really tell you how to do this, but you better figure it out. And most Jews are just like anybody else. Once the rockets stop flying, and the rugs start selling a whole new mindset will take hold.

Will all of this happen? Nah! Obama will launch a new war in Syria, their leader will get a bayonet up his ass, and the Muslim Brotherhood will burn down our embassies. You know, maybe they’re right. We ARE stupid!

Roulette Method

Roulette
by Wilbur Witt

Found this method last year but didn’t get a chance to try it out. Throw $50 toward this and see how it works. It came from a team of students at Harvard.

Buy $50 – $100 in chips, all $10 denominations. Sit at the table. Never bet on a number, only colors. Watch the computer screen and wait until there are five consecutive red or black wins. Sometimes you have to wait a while. Don’t let yourself be rushed. When you have the five consecutive wins bet on the opposite color. Bet $10. If you lose, bet $20. Lose again, bet $30. When you win, wait again and do the same thing over and over again. If the Green Bastard gets you start the process over again. Continue this method, and don’t get stupid. Don’t let the bet ride, or leap to trying to cover a bunch of numbers in an effort to “cash in.” If you lose your original investment leave the table and come back tomorrow. Down side, you lose $50- $100. Upside, you have to cash in your chips and sneak out to another casino.