FaceBook Jail

I was wondering what I was going to write about today and I woke up in Facebook Jail! Seems that Facebook took offense at my little story about goats in lipstick. They removed the article from my “Simple Ol’ Boy” page, asked me if I’d like to unpublish it for a while and cleanse  it of any offending material. Now, the funny thing is, as you may or may not know, the article is EVERYWHERE on Facebook, and it’s still THERE! I have several pages and groups that I routinely publish to each day when the content of the article is appropriate for their  content. My main outlets are WordPress and Google Plus. Raging Elephants has me as an Op-Ed and pretty Miss Crystal Lee Laramore is kind enough to run my stuff when I don’t cuss too much.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and cry in my coffee because FaceBook suspended my posting for twenty-four hours. If you will NOTE, I’m still writing. I started using Facebook because it was just THERE. It wasn’t a big strategy or plan, I just came up with some groups and pages and messed around with it. After BlogTalk Radio, RER, The Dam Good Times, and all the Google stuff I kept posting to Facebook just because I had always done it. It’s actually a pain in the butt if you want to know the truth. The penetration of all the other mediums is much greater. Oh, and yeah, I have a BOOK out and Amazon is tickled PINK with me.

For me Facebook gives a very low return on investment. I’m not sure if the company deliberately skews view of things until you pay them some money or not, but I have posted articles that burned UP WordPress and the same one gets maybe, MAYBE, two “likes” and three or four views on Facebook. I’m NOT an idiot. I’ve got too many cases of old records in my garage for that!  That’s why I write as much as I do. I never beat a dead horse, I just get another horse. I’ve seen people throw good money after bad at a terrible song over the years when they should have just moved on to another one.

What was my great sin? I said the word “Akbar” in conjunction with a woman! I also insinuated something about goats in lipstick and everyone knows Muslim goats are not allowed to wear lipstick.  Says that somewhere in the Qu’ran, I believe. I offended the Muslim Community. So, someone complained and Facebook got its pound of flesh by blocking me from posting for one day, but they kinda stepped on it in one other area. Don’t tell a songwriter with over forty years in the business the he just got a hit! The same article is doing quite well everywhere else while I’m getting the same two or three reads on Facebook. Posting to Facebook actually took some time, a lot more that all the other areas combined. As a matter of fact, I had to start paying more attention to areas like Linkedln and Twitter that I had previously ignored because I was  worrying about Facebook! My followers there surprised me! Anyone know who GenAbbott is on Twitter. He’s one of my followers! Michael Moore too. Lots of others.

YouTube has always been kind to me, and brothers and sisters I’ve put some JUNK up there! But you see, YouTube is different. I’m a YouTube Partner, have been for years. I allow them to put Ads on my stuff, pay me in wooden nickels, and they like that! That’s why I have a David Alan Coe Video approaching a million hits right now and two HUGE discussion groups stemming out of it. What started as practically a race war evolved into a fairly refined critique of country music, and although I personally have not chimed in on the chat there are some pretty good postings there, all coming from David’s dirty little record. Where do you think “Weird Wilbur” came from. Do you think I sold all those underground records because I did a new edition of “Rock of Ages?” Au Contraire! How do you think I ended up in that picture of me sitting in a Mercedes in front of a house that looked a lot like Elvis’ place? I didn’t win the lottery! I cut CDs so rank that Roy Acuff would look down and spit on the ground every time my name got mentioned. I never played his Grand Ol’ Opry, but I sure ate a lot of catfish right across the street at the Nashville Palace!

So here I sit in Facebook jail. What amazes me, and I’m not complaining, is Angela Box can call Muslims everything but a white man and truck right along. I must have really hit a nerve! BooYah! I’m a type number one capitalist and a fairly good wordsmith. Don’t tell ME I’ve just created some controversy based on something I said. I will make a LOT of money and you will eat a LOT of Tums! And I’m not going to go on and on about how “fair” or “unfair” it is. I don’t give a FLIP about their “religion.” All I know is I popped them. That’s all I need. That means I sell more books. Nanner Nanner Nanner. . .  FACE BOOK!

Angela Box Akbar!

Some things just take you by surprise. Like a bunch of Muslims having “Muslim Day” on the Capitol steps in Austin. That took me by surprise. I’ll be honest. I totally missed it. I was running around the Bell County courthouse with some fool, missed Doc’s show and BAM! There it was the next day. Nobody told me, and since I don’t subscribe to the Raghead Gazette I was clueless. The last time I was down there I was scanned and checked out by the DPS, and here we have some guy screaming, “Allah Akbar,” from the Capitol steps! That came completely out of the blue. Kinda like Greg Abbott coming out of the closet, or something like that!

I understand about six hundred devotees to Mohammed’s ramblings showed up and they had a real good time. No beer or ham sandwiches, but about as much fun as one can have who hates practically everyone else. You ask yourself; what did they hope to gain? Well, you have to understand the Muslim mind, and that’s a little like trying to figure out a ferrel cat. A Muslim will think, “I blow up plane with me in it,” and consider that a victory. A Muslim can marry a beautiful woman and force her to dress in a burlap sack, and consider it stylish. A Muslim can be romantically attracted to a goat, and think it’s fine so long as he kills it when he’s done and feeds it to another village. So, it only goes to follow that standing on the steps of the Capital screaming, “Allah Akbar” is a very big deal for the Muslims!

If you ask one of the DPS officers, “Dude, what the heck it THIS,” you get “Well, that’s their First Amendment right of freedom of religion.” Uh, what happened to the Second Amendment?” We skipped right OVER that one, now didn’t we? Where are the “free speech” zones when this nonsense comes about? One thing that bothers me is the number of patriots who showed up. I understand it was about twenty. Micah Campo drove four hours with four kids to be there. Doc Greene was there, so I guess that accounted for about one fourth of all patriots in evidence Oh, listen to me. I wasn’t there! Molly White wasn’t there, but spoke out against it and some cat called “Omar” lampooned her on her Facebook page. You see, that’s how low we’ve gone. A Congresswoman sees a bunch of foreigners doing a snake dance on the Capitol steps and says something about it and some jerk off goes off on her like she’s out of her mind!

Texas is very important to Mohammed. While he’s laying around with his seventy-two virgins (I would assume they’re all broken in by now) anyway, while he’s up there eating dates, Texas weighs heavily on his mind. You see, if they can pull this off in Texas then California is a shoe in! By the time the take Texas California chicks will be strolling along the beaches in bureaus! I wonder if the good folks out in Cali will make it legal to marry goats? But, I digress. I never dated a Muslim chick. Guess it would be a little like waking up with Jodi Arias. Well, not that cute. Jodi had her points, but going to the shower while she swings by the kitchen is not one of them. Anyway, the Camel Jockeys had their day.

Where should they go from here. I might suggest having “Muslim Day” in Salt Lake City. In the spirit of love and peace have a big prayer meeting not he steps of the Mormon Temple. Yeah that’s the ticket. And I’m sure only about twenty Mormons will show up and be very respectful about the entire affair. Yeah! And if you believe that have I got a bridge for you and it’s on SALE! Those Latter Day Saints would skewer the speaker and throw pig grease on everyone in the crowd, and don’t you doubt it! See people . . . THAT’S how Texans are SUPPOSED to act!

Little by little, bit by bit, Texas is falling to this subtle invasion. Sharia courts are popping up all over. Oh, don’t get me started. I still can’t get my mind around that one. I’m going to give you some sobering thoughts. America has moved away from God. Prayer was removed from the schools. Well, prayer will be back, only you won’t be able to understand the words If we don’t stop this, and stop it now, everything the men of the Alamo died for will be as dead as they are. I won’t miss another opportunity to show up at the NEXT “holy day,” and let Ahmed know exactly how I feel. I have this evil plan, you see. A lot of people would shout or worse, and just get arrested while the Muslims laugh and have a field day. I’ll just show up with a pet goat. . . in lipstick! Angela Box Akbar!

Literacy

Something that irritates me, well, not so much anymore, but still gets me a bit, is when someone asks me, “How much MONEY have you made,” when finding out that I’m an author, and have several books out there. Now, I’ve addressed this many times, but Doc Greene mentioned something on www.ragingelephantsradio.com the other day that pinged the situation perfectly. Literacy! America has lost that! Back in the day when folks like Hemingway were tooling around people would actually go and buy a book. If they couldn’t afford the hard cover version they’d wait until the paperback came out and buy that, and if that was still beyond their budget they’d just wait a while longer and trip on down to the public library (remember them) and check the book out.

Along came the internet. You would think that with so much communication going on people would be getting sharper and sharper, but Au Contraire! Maybe back when nerds staring at green screens that was so, but with the advent of the iPhone, iPad, and a host of other devices we began the great “Dumbing Down” of the race! If I were to put what I have just written here into an email or text about the best response I could expect from most of my contacts would be, “LOL” I’m not kidding. I know a girl, whom shall remain nameless, who has an iPhone. She has set up shorthand responses to texts so the doesn’t have to think when typing. If I were to send her a text such as, “I have realized that the universe is composed of plasma and within that is living matter which distributes itself evenly among the cosmos thereby allowing life to proliferate into every quadrants of space,” she would send back, “Crazy.”

THAT’S why you never ask an author how much money he/she has made. Because NOBODY can read anymore. You take a chick like that, and hand her a hardcover edition of any work, weighing somewhere between two an three pounds, and she’s going to look at it with that “deer in the headlights” stare and say, “Crazy!” Now please understand that I’m not saying girls like that don’t have a purpose in this life, but this is a family article so I won’t go there. The English language has been reduced to “LOL, SMH,”LMFAO”, and the ever popular, “OMG.” Oh, and oh yes, “Crazy!”

You have the blockbuster writers who pen something that makes news. They all eventually end up in a movie, which is about the speed of the general public now, and the writer gets a little something off of that, but by and large most of us will write a book, put it up on Amazon and it will sit there and grow a beard. Oh, and by the way, when the book hits the silver screen the through lines have been rewritten in such a way that no matter how intellectual the original was it is homogenized  to the point that the modern mind can digest it easily. So why do we do it? We do it because SOMEONE has to. The value of a work is not measured by money but by spirit. A writer is a writer is a writer. Once a writer develops some kind of style they will sharpen their skills, and the very act of composition is reward enough. I use correct punctuation and spelling even in a small text and I abhor internet shorthand. I actually makes me mad! If I’d have put that stuff on paper back in 1967 Miss Hornbuckle would have hit me in the back of the head with her ever present yardstick she carried around specifically for dummies.

We have a whole generation of these people now. They live on Facebook, can’t spell, can barely read, smoke pot and ALL vote for Obama! You see, THIS is why we simply MUST have a Republic of Texas, right there. You want to know why the second amendment, indeed the entire Constitution is being scrapped? Because it’s written in proper English! If written in todays vernacular the the Second would read, “PPL nd GNS . .  .SMH.” These Neanderthals could reduce the entire Constitution to within one hundred and sixty characters so it would fit in a single text. The Sermon on the Mount would be reduced to “OMG,” and “SMH!” And music? Forget it! Rap! Oh, don’t get me started. It’s a good thing the “N” word rhymes with the “N” word or Rap be hard! Ultimate shorthand: “Woman” is transformed to “Ho.” If I had the audacity to  call my grandmother a “Ho” on her DEATHBED the police would be called, and the caller would say, “Uh, we got this dead old lady in a bed down here, and there’s some guy on the floor with his head bashed in.”

To summarize, most writers will NEVER make a lot of money. It just goes with the territory. If you are going to write you simply must accept that. Literacy died with the Martini. In spite of this there are many out there who will continue to try, and that’s good. Perhaps some day Kindle will replace the hardcover book, and just the ease of the use of it will cause at least SOME kids to read beyond the twenty-fifth letter, and realize that human interaction is important if you want to go beyond hanging out at the mall texting to the person sitting right next to you. SMH!

You Be RACIST!

There’s nothing like getting into a chat room with a bunch of liberal democrats on a huge guilt trip because they’re white! I did that last night. Some guy put up a picture of Obama being hung from a tree and it was ON! Now before I launch into this little folly let me say from the onset that I did not think such a picture was appropriate. Maybe a picture of him in a cotton field with one of those long sacks training behind him, but death stuff. . . nah! Anyway, here’s all these crackers in there jumping up and down, each one trying to be more politically correct than the other, and then there’s ME. And I’m drunk! Womp, dey it is! I had just acquired a bottle of Bombay Gin and the olives were a swimming.

Now, I don’t take all this racism stuff seriously, ok? You get into any discussion with a liberal democrat, and I don’t care what it is, you will always see that rusty old race card come out of the deck. I don’t care what you’re talking about. “I think there may be water on Mars that might support some sort of primitive life.” “You’re just saying that because Obama’s black.” First off he’s NOT black, he’s tutti fruity. His mother was white. Now his daddy was as black as a cup of Folgers. Obama, on the other hand is with cream. That’s what’s so funny about the lib-tards. They go on and on about Obama being the first black president and they didn’t even get a real black guy. Now Samuel L. Jackson, THAT’S a black guy. “It’s the wallet that says, ‘bad mother. . . “ well, you know.

There are some pluses about the president. His daughters for instance. They’re cute. Clinton’s kid. . . now THAT was an ugly kid. She was so ugly she was funny. When she grew up she got better, but when she was fourteen, NO DATES. Imagine being a boy trying to take her to the prom and she’s covered up with Secret Service AND she’s ugly! I used to think, well, maybe she’ll grow up and be an intelligent young lady. Nope! Look who raised her. Obama’s kids are nice looking kids, and they have HIM figured out. You can SEE it. Just watch when they appear with him. Rolling their eyes, looking at the time, and just WISHING they could just go back home away from all the cameras. I don’t know WHERE they got their looks from. I’ve SEEN the first lady. Bet she don’t feed HER kids that school lunch she supports. That’s another thing. Obama’s old lady runs all over the country touting this school lunch thing and every time Obama gets away from her where does he go? STRAIGHT to McDonald’s! That’s why he’s so skinny. Michelle’s been feeding him all these years. Did you see him making for the door after the state of the union thing. I could see it in his eyes. “I’m lovin’ it!” Michelle’s nowhere in sight and he KNOW’S it! Bet he smoked a Marlboro in the limo too. Didn’t see his kids though. They were back in the White House chowing down.

Anyway, I digress. Here’s these liberals jumping all over each other, each one trying to out guilty the other and I chime in. The more martinis I drank, the funnier it got, and they leave themselves open like the gate at the Kentucky Derby. They have NO frontal lobe so all my quips were lost to them, and, of course I’m a racist. If you disagree with ANYTHING Obama says, you’re a racist. If you make a joke, you’re a racist. If you play the Rolling Stone’s “Paint it Black” you’re a racist! What does one do when encountering a situation like this? Well, I roll in it. I know they’re a bunch of fools, and I know I’ll never change their mindset, so I pump ‘em up. And don’t EVEN try to center on the issues because they’re not interested in that. I try to mention the Keystone pipeline and they tell me I’m just talking about that because Obama’s black. No, actually the oil is black and that has nothing to do with Obama’s complexion.

Liberals simply don’t get it that when you bend over backward and kiss your own butt you just look more racist. Black people don’t want their color or defense thereof to dominate a conversation. I DO understand that. Black folk be like, “You been talking about skin color for forty-five minutes so in spite of anything I’ve said THAT’S the one thing on your mind. . . CRACKER!” And stupid stuff on the news. OMG! A crew can go out and film fifty people talking about how times are hard and tracing it all right back to Obama’s policies and they will show the ONE lame brain welfare mama who thinks Martin Luther King freed the slaves! Let me clue you in, there are stupid people in the world and half of them are stupider that THAT! And they’ll find some chick with a muffin top in shorts going up her butt. Don’t forget the accent. Oh, they got that down, and when the camera goes on the slang gets WORSE! Black folk watching her talk are thinking, “Just shut UP!”

In today’s society you can’t even MENTION stuff like I’ve been talking about in this article. You KNOW muffin top looks silly. I know she looks silly. Children raised by WOLVES know she looks silly. The WOLVES know it, but don’t say it. . . you be RACIST! The good news is most people are past all this. I have actually been to parties, with some black people in attendance and nobody talked about how much they love watermelon. Matter of fact I have actually held a conversation with a black man about the merits of different martinis. He preferred the Roosevelt and I lean toward a Churchill. Now there WAS a guy in the corner with his hat on backwards downing Four Locos, but we just ignored him. And while we’re on the subject of attire where did the pants thing come from? What kind of social statement is THAT. You tool around with your BVDs showing and if someone says, “DAYUM!” they’re racist? At the circus when the Volkswagen pulls up and the clowns pile out you’re SUPPOSED to laugh! The Apostle Claver does justice to a suit. I could NEVER look that good, I don’t care how much money I spent. That man can dress!

I don’t like Rap because they talk too fast. I wear my hat straight because it keeps the Texas sun out of my eyes. I wear my pants high because exposing my butt to men in Austin makes me nervous. You really gotta watch your butt in Austin, let me tell you. People will always be different. If we all sang one note there would be no harmony. There are black people in the world. There are gay people in the world. There are ugly little girls in the world. Enjoy them. Laugh at jokes, not because you’re a racist but because sometimes the human condition is funny! Richard Pryor was funny. Chris Rock is funny. Ron White is funny. All these men capitalized on the human experience. Richard was the ultimate HomeBoy, and Ron is the biggest cracker on the planet! And what do they do? They make us laugh at ourselves. Oh, my bad. . . we must be RACIST!

The Interview

Well, the “The Interview,” hit Netflix! After it flopped its way through YouTube, Sony and Kim Jong Un bringing us to the brink of annihilation , I finally got to see the epic in its entirety. Wow! What a fortune cookie. Now, I’m not a movie critic. Movies that get lampooned by more critics than the characters on a MicroSoft product code turn out to be the ones I like, but I never realized how much I knew about gauging a bad film until I watched this little masterpiece.

Ok, here’s the plot: Talkshow host gets the idea to interview Kim Jong Un. CIA tells him he’s got to shake hands with the North Korean president, whereupon some deadly poison will be transferred into his system and twenty-four hours later Kim will be as dead as fried chicken. He gets tight with the CIA, no PROBLEM, he gets into North Korea, no PROBLEM, but then he starts to like Kim. Oh yeah. Kim’s a really cool guy. I really think they should have had Jackie Chan play the leader with all those racy one-liners, but who am I, right?

Right away they screw up. One of the presidents staff EATS the poison, thinking it’s gum. And, right on cue he pukes his stomach up twenty-four hours later at a state banquet. That was. . . special. Then the CIA has to fly in by drone, a replacement, which conveniently hits a tiger in the head, and saves the TalkShow host’s producer, who just HAPPENS to be crawling around the presidential compound dressed like a fat ninja, and when the presidential guard discovers him, said producer shoves the rather large container up his bottom hole to hide it. In my humble opinion, anyone who can shove an object as large as a can of Campbell’s Soup up his butt has been there before, but, yet again, who am I? This part may be possible, that’s possible, not probable because I’ve seen some pretty weird X-Rays from the E. R.

Anyway, back to the story. The North Korean guards return the producer to his room without killing him, I might add, he retrieves said capsule (Preparation H, anyone?) and we’re all set, yet again for the big kill. Well, like I said, the host is really getting into Kim by now so the producer takes it upon himself to do the assassination. Oh, yeah, and there’s a sex scene. There’s this propaganda chick who works for Kim who comes onto the producer, and at one point she ends up on his lap jumping around like a drunken homecoming queen after the game. I seriously need to check out Asian chicks. Well, then the host takes a little stroll through town, no PROBLEM. No police, no army, doors unlocked on a grocery store, and he goes in to check out all the food. Lo and behold it’s all pictures and fakes! The only food in the whole country just happens to belong to his little fat buddy over there in the presidential compound. Now, bear in mind these cats all live on rice, so if the country is starving do the math!

By now the two have discovered that little Miss Propaganda Hot Pants is really in the resistance and she doesn’t want to KILL Kim, she wants to embarrass him. That way his form of government will be destroyed when the Korean people suddenly realize the error of their ways, do a one-eighty, and all start dancing to Gingham Style! Sounds reasonable to me! So, we progress to the interview, which is why the movie is named “The Interview.” I figured that out all by myself. There’s the TalkShow host sitting with Kim, discussing mundane subjects, and all of the sudden the host asks why the people of North Korea are starving. I must say, Kim sidesteps pretty good until the host sings some song that reminds him of his father and he starts crying like a little girl for the whole PLANET to see. Oh, and he farts, forgot that part. You have to see the movie to find out how that fits in. One thing leads to another and the president shoots the host and storms out.

While this is transpiring, Propaganda San is starting a people’s revolution in the control room where she, and the producer are fighting with the engineers, getting fingers bit off, and shooting people as the Korean engineers try to cut the feed because El Presidente is being reduced to a pool of Won Ton Soup because his daddy didn’t love him. So, here come the guards. Ok, now picture this. The presidential compound of the craziest leader in the world, soldiers charged with the ultimate protection of their leader, the cream of the rice paddy, and they come up with , um, ten guys!! I crappith Thee NOT! Of course, our little foxxy turncoat dispatches them with her trusty, belt fed machine gun without ONE of them returning fire, (good thing they weren’t Cleveland Cops) and Pyongyang Rose, the TalkShow Host, and producer (Sans Fingers) all escape the compound, finding their way to a handy tank with the keys still in it. By this time, Kim has found out that the host was still alive, so he decides to incinerate the world with his nuclear bombs, thereby proving he is bigger nut than his father. Not to worry, folks, TalkShow host fires a single shell from the tank into the president’s hovering helicopter, and the day is saved. Of course, because of the brilliant interview, and the death of Kim Yong Un, North Korea applies for statehood, goes into the laundry business, thereby revolutionizing the world, and bringing down the price of Chicken Chop Suey world wide. Womp, Womp, Womp, Womp Oppa Gingham STYLE!

Uh, I want my two hours back. Kim Jong Un shouldn’t have hacked Sony, he should have SUED Sony! That is defamation of character. I mean, Kim, the REAL Kim looks funny enough already. I know it’s a comedy, and a farce, but they really should have raised the level of credibility a tab above Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, ok? There’s one scene where Kim gets drunk and starts raving about nuking the planet, and THAT’S even silly. I never laughed so hard about Armageddon in my LIFE! Oh, and when they start to launch the missiles it’s ONE button, and the guy who’s in charge of pushing it decides to have an egg roll instead, and the world is saved.

All I can say is that if Kim Jong Un really did hack SONY, we owe him money. Saved Anonymous a lot of trouble. Now, here’s what I really think happened. Sony produces this film, see? They soak a LOT of money into it, go into promotion when suddenly someone who’s NOT smoking too much pot says, “DUDES, this like. . . SUCKS!” So they come up with this story, telling everyone that they’ve been hacked to buy time while they beat feet BACK to the cutting room, unfortunately there wasn’t THAT much room on the cutting room floor. While the world is teetering on the edge of oblivion, Sony hits the street and voila, YouTube steps up and takes the bait! Sony emerges, reasonably unscathed after palming the film off on YouTube, but when that didn’t get more hits than some thirteen year old girl playing a soda straw with her nose they cut a deal with Netflix. Let me inform you on something. When Netflix gets your film before the prints are dry there’s a message there. Jus Sayin! Now, bear in mind, all this time, the North Koreans are ordering bootleg copies by the Rickshaw full, and nobody gives a second thought. Uh, please note Youtube did not get shut down and I’m watching Netflix right now. Of course, I’m watching a film that is a little more believable. Something about alien bases on the moon.

Open Carry Texas is LIFE!

CJ Grisham is going a rally at the Capitol today. The march toward Constitutional Carry enters its last heat. The work of reinitiating the Bill of Rights has been long and hard. We had let so much slip away that when the veil was pulled away all the problems were exposed. That’s what happened with Region 7, DPS. They’d been acting on their own authority for years, just nobody thought anything could be done about it so we all just lumbered along hoping for the best. The absurdity of what happened on that Temple road was the tolling of the bell  for the abuse of the Constitution. There were so many red flags that day it becomes impossible to count them all.

CJ was just the right person at just the right time to ignite the passions of people who’d been knowing the problems, but couldn’t put a finger on it for a long time. We had all been led to believe that “Licensing” was a needed step, not even looking at the true meaning. Even though we knew that the Constitution assured the right of self defense we were content to deed that right to the state to dispense as they saw fit, happy when we were “allowed” to exercise said right with the approval of the government.

CJ had played by all the rules. He accepted the state “giving” him the right to have his gun. He took their classes. This is an absurdity in and of itself. A man who has so many medals for serving his country that he doesn’t have enough room on his dress uniform to display them all having to take a class about gun safety! Give me a break! Now, let’s add some other elements. Son trying for a merit badge taking a hike down what is basically a rural road with his father. A freaking BOY SCOUT! With all the punks hanging around the Valero, bumming cigarettes, and this kid is trying for a merit badge?

And let’s look at the officer. Now just picture this. This cop drives up on the scene of a decorated soldier, walking down a country road with his son, who is in the Scouts. What would your first instincts tell you. With all the mayhem this cop has seen on 8th street in Temple (Yeah, I’ve been there) wouldn’t you think such an event would be at least refreshing to him? Is this apple pie version of America so dead that Barney couldn’t even fathom it? Did his “training” so warp his mind, is the public so perverse now that such an image becomes invisible? Now, I don’t have a count, I wasn’t there, but just ask yourself; how many cars must have passed CJ that day and just drove on by? “Gee, there’s a man with a boy walking on the side of the road.” Ok, he had a gun. And now we get to the bottom line (s).

Open Carry Texas has to themes. One, we all have the right to self defense, and two, the public must be desensitized  to the appearance of a gun under normal circumstances, hense the now famous “gun walk!” YES, there are guns in the world, and YES, law abiding, stable people possess and carry them. Mothers against EVERYTHING get OVER it! CJ was (is) a law abiding citizen. He GOT the license. He TOOK the class. He CARRIED in accordance to the law! I’m not the man CJ is. I carry ANYWAY because the police have failed to protect me. I am fully aware that playing by the rules set down by fat cops in Temple will get me KILLED in Killeen, Texas! I carry! I racially profile. Oh, yeah. When I pull up to a store at eleven PM, and some guy is standing outside, in a hoodie, smoking a cigarette, not looking anyone in the eye, I go on point. Sometimes, I just drive away. There are other times if I’m IN the store and such a character enters and goes to the cashier I’m AWARE! These are facts of life, people, and I’m not going to get killed just so “Mothers” can  get a warm fuzzy.

But, as I have said, CJ was just the right guy, at the right time to bust this out. It was almost as if God, Himself, put CJ on that road that day. And this morning he’s carrying the banner still, working for all of us, restoring our God given right to defend our own lives if need be. Like I’ve said before, the very second some young lady pulls her Constitutionally carried pistol out of her purse, and ISN’T raped and murdered, and left in the woods like garbage, CJ Grisham has made his point! I am very proud that he has been my friend. CJ is a chapter in Texas history. I’m very happy to have been one of his footnotes.

I’ve Got A Little List

While talking with someone yesterday I was accused of being “vague” when I write. Now I’ve been accused of a lot of things but vague is not one of them. It seems when I quit cussing so much in my articles I began to be “vague.” So, in the spirit of transparency I’m going to list things I don’t like, and try to clear up the mystery behind Bill the Butcher.

1. I am a Christian. I’m not a good Christian, In fact every time I go to confession my penance is to wash my mouth out with soap. I’ve been married more times than King Henry VIII, and the only way I will ever get through the Pearly Gates is by giving St. Peter a false ID. Jesus said seventy times seven, and He was just about right!

2. I don’t like Yankees. Now, I don’t hate Yankees. If you hate people you’ve never met that makes you a Muslim, but I prefer not to deal with Yankees. People who come to Texas from up yonder and stay are different. Staying in Texas has a cleansing effect on people, and it helps most transplanted Yankees. I can get along with them when in their territory. I’m not saying they are bad people, but I wouldn’t want one of them to marry my sister.

3. I hate Texas summers. Every year, long about July I start counting the days. Somehow I have it fixated in my mind that September 1st is the “cooling off” marker. Now, It’s not, but by then there is at least hope. You’ve made it through the worse of it and all the old people scheduled to die that summer have already departed by then, and at my age that’s important. You never know when your name is on the roster. Sitting on the RiverWalk in San Antonio in August is hell on earth. You can’t get DRUNK enough. And you see all these Yankees walking around, smiling, and you realize, THAT’S why I don’t like Yankees. They don’t have any sense!If you have grandkids it’s even worse. They’re all over you. I drink my beer “West Texas Cold,” which is “colder than ME.” And do NOT get one of those hose misting things unless you LIKE to sweat and itch. I walked under one of those things at Sea World one time and wondered, “Now, just why did I do that?”

4. Cops make me nervous. Back in the day Officer O’Flannery was everybody’s friend. He walked a beat, got free food from cafes, and helped little old ladies across the street. Now cops do everything they can to stay in the car, hate the world, get MAD if they have to even pay for a cup of coffee, and SHOOT little old ladies for reaching for their hearing aid. And they’ve got the shouting thing going on. Where did THAT originate? SHOW ME YOUR HANDS! Show you a FINGER! And the “stop resisting.” Have you ever tried to “stop resisting?” I’m going to try that on a date one of these days. STOP RESISTING!

5. I believe in the Republic of Texas. I’ve heard all the nonsense about how Texas canNOT be a Republic again, and I always refer to what I call the DeFacto Republic of Texas. Texas needs to start treating the USA like an ex-wife. You put up with her because you got kids. Well, America is like that. We have a history, but it’s an abusive one and we’re on a twelve step program to restore our dignity. Kinda like a rape. We just keep telling ourselves, “It wasn’t OUR fault.”

6. Gay Rights. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m going there. Now, I’m all politically correct, but this is the silliest bunch of crap I’ve ever seen. I think what happens in the bedroom should STAY in the bedroom. Someone once told me, “You just find Gay Sex disgusting.” No, I find ALL sex disgusting unless I’m personally involved. I don’t like watching other people use the bathroom either.

7. Weird mental conditions or addictions. Oh, where do I begin. The minute someone does something weird they find some doctor who’ll put a name on it and try to apply for SSI. I got crushed by a car in 1971, left a slimy trail behind me for YEARS, and couldn’t even get handicapped parking! Then I see some guy getting out of his car and tap dancing into the store. What’s wrong with him. Parking in a normal parking space stresses him out. And addictions. Some guy on TV claims he’s addicted because he like to drink his own pee. “Oh, Wilbur, you just don’t understand.” I’m GLAD I don’t understand!

8. Women buying lottery tickets at a convenience store. When I find myself behind one of these I just put the beer down and leave. They have all the theories about which ticket to buy and the clerk struggles through all the requests trying to get the line to move. Then you have to wait while they find the money to pay, God HELP you if they use a card. You look at the line forming behind you and all those people are as mad as you are, they’re just too young to put a finger on it. And that’s right, I said WOMEN. My article, I can be racist.

9. Oh, yeah, there’s another one. People calling me a racist because they can’t counter me with logic. We’ve all been there. “Uh, I don’t really think that guy should have raped that two month old baby,” to which they say, “You’re just saying that ‘cause he’s black!” I have the perfect come back. “Well. . . yeah!” They sit there with their face hanging out. You have my permission to grin and enjoy that befuddled look. It’s priceless.

10. Negative people who hate on everything. If you want to be mad all the time that’s your business, but don’t bother me with it. Yeah, the country is screwed up, yeah your child support is behind, yeah your ex-wife just married your brother. Get OVER it. ONE positive thought can clear a lot of garbage. You’d be amazed. Tell you what; starting tomorrow don’t think about anything bad, and when you start to just remember something nice that happened that day and watch what comes about. It’s amazing. Hating and fretting won’t change a thing. Now this does NOT mean to skip through life without looking both ways, it just means you can’t stop the traffic, but the other side of the road IS there!

These are just ten things that tick me off, there are more. I don’t let them control me because I know I can’t control THEM. There are lots of things that will irritate me. Heck, single ply toilette tissue comes to mind. RAP, Michael Moore, fat women in stretch pants, but hey, it’s all good. Haven’t found much that a martini and a sunny day won’t cure. . . unless it’s in the summer on the RiverWalk!

That Pesty Ol’ Constitution

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

In Illinois, a new law aimed at curbing cyber bullying, gives schools access to kids’ social media account passwords, but some are saying the law goes to far.

You know, whenever liberals get hold of anything and try to twist it up they always say they’re trying to do something good, something noble. Did it with free speech, with guns, and now we have personal security. Back in the day liberals were always the ones in the street protesting the Vietnam war because it wasn’t a declared war, and they were leaning on their right of free speech and the right of the people to speak out. Where did that all change? Where did we go from hippies standing on their soap boxes defending the Constitution to the same people sitting back and watching the entire Bill of Rights get shredded like cheese at a Taco Bell?

Like I said, there’s always some noble reason behind this nonsense. Bullying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, big kids pick on little kids. Darnedest thing I ever saw. God know’s that’s a new thing. Never happened before. I remember when I was in the fourth grade. There was this kid named Alvin. Alvin looked a little like Alfalfa from Our Gang, but he was a head taller than me and every day he found me in the school yard and pushed me around. Well, I was a nerdy kid with two left feet. I tried to dodge him, but old Alvin would seek me out and shove me around while all the other kids laughed. Then one day I came upon a plan. It was a simple plan, actually. I hit Alvin in the mouth. He went to the ground and started crying and bleeding. Now boys and girls, this wasn’t sex, but it was close! So, I hit Alvin again. Matter of fact, after that, I hit Alvin in the mouth every chance I got.

So, anyway, this Illinois school has decided to end bullies by circumspection of the Fourth Amendment. It doesn’t stop there, people. What if some kid says something on his/her Facebook that the school thinks is dangerous? Well, by criketty, they’d just have to go to the police, now wouldn’t they? Then the police would have to look at the Facebook page, and of course, since the parents are responsible, they’d have to check out mom and dad’s pages too. Yep, we’s a gonna stop them bullies! Root ‘em out!

Now what was that line up there? Let me copy and paste it ‘cause I don’t want to misquote here. “. . . secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects” Now, I’m just a simple ol’ boy from Austin, but the way I read that is the word “effects” means stuff you own, like maybe, grocery lists, pictures of grandma, and FACEBOOK accounts. But then, I’m not a real lawyer.

What’s wrong with a good, old fashioned warrant. You know, some kid vocalizes for everybody within earshot that he would like to inflict bodily harm on some nerdy kid (like me) and the principle calls the police. The police go to a judge and tell him that they’d like to take a look at what this bully is putting out on his social media. Then the judge writes out this thing we call a warrant. It says, “These police fellers have the right to look at this kid’s Facebook account specifically for harmful threats against Elmer the nerd.” They show up at the bully’s house, present this paper and sit down and take a peak at the account. IF they see something that says, “I’m going to punch Elmer the nerd in the nose” then they proceed. They’re not WORRIED about how many beer cans are in the living room. They’re not WORRIED about the gun rack on the wall. They’re not WORRIED about Doc Greene streaming out of the TuneIn App. They center on one kid, making serious threats concerning the safety of another kid.

Where they go from there is totally up to the courts. Police gather information, the court sorts information. Wow! That’s so simple. But, you see, that doesn’t fulfill the liberal agenda. That won’t nullify that pesty old Constitution with all those out of date amendments, now will it? We can’t have people running around keeping their personal effects to themselves, can we? You can’t just tear apart a little piece of the Bill of Rights. When you punch a hole in a balloon it just pops. There is no “sort of,” or “just a little.” That’s like being a little bit pregnant. You’re either secure in your person, or you’re not. You’re either free to speak your mind, or you’re not. You have a right to defend yourself, or you don’t!

The parents of this boy should march into the principle’s office, with a lawyer, and remind him of these simple facts, and don’t be jelly fish about it. Don’t accept being told they HAVE to submit. Don’t just cower because some school marm tells them that if they don’t lay down, and play dead their kid will be thrown out of school or worse, here comes the CPS. That’s always the joker in the deck. Now who’s the bully? First and foremost, public schools are an abomination before the Lord, anyway, but if you must allow your kids to go there, please don’t leave their citizenship at the house. Hey! That’s a radical idea right there. Teach your kids about the Constitution and its practical application. I outta be a school teacher, really, I should!

The State of the Union

I really enjoyed the State of the Uniion thing last night. I watch it every year you know.  All that optimistic hope emanating from the podium. I have to admit, I had to wipe a tear from my eye. But then I still watch the Wizard of Oz, too. Anyway, it SOUNDED good. Hey, what did you expect him to say? “Sho nuff happy I didn’t get impeached this year!” Obama’s been on the highway to hell since the first day he walked into the White House. Hey, did you catch Eric Holder at the end when El Presidete was making for the door? I can’t read lips but he was probably saying, “Man! Glad I got out of Paris before the warrants came down,” and Barry was saying, “I TOLD you I’d fix that. Fixed Benghazi  didn’t I?”

I watch the crowd. you can always tell subscribers to Mad Magazine by who jumps up at the end of every sentence. And they clap with that amazed look, and a tear in their eye. The Speaker of the House at LEAST didn’t do THAT. He seemed to be sitting back a little so when Obama’s pants caught on fire he wouldn’t get scorched. There is still a small bit of him that knows this dog and pony show is running out. But, it was a good show, don’t you think. Ok, here’s the state of the Union. I’m not going to quote Obama, I’m just a gonna tell you the REAL state of the union.

Muslims, Mexicans, Chinese, and every dog and cat are streaming across our borders like the 49er’s gold rush. I don’t know why we invest in fences on the border any more. Just leave a gate open and charge a surcharge to come in. Oh, don’t take Pesos, Pesos never were any good and now it costs more to counterfeit them than they are worth. Don’t take Rubles either. How do those people mess up their economy so badly without a Federal Reserve?

We now have so many abortions the Hitler would blush with shame. “Mien Himmel! Why didn’t I think of that! Just give Der Chews free abortions!” If we took guns and killed a million blacks a year the world would PUKE! Even the Chinese would step back. Planned Parenthood. . . OMG, don’t get me started. A bunch of women who get MAD if you don’t have an abortion. I have a thought, nah, I’m not gonna go there. . . yeah I am; Have you noticed that women who are pro-choice are women that you wouldn’t want to have sex with anyway? What happens after they kill all the babies? The abort each other?

The economy. Yeah, the Americans used to have one, now we have it down here in Texas. Texas is a big place but I hope we have room for all the Yankee businesses coming here just to be able to exist. Even Gregg Abbott can’t screw that up. At least I hope he can’t. Texas seems to have its own momentum. Perry is finally out of office, on his way to California. You know, Rick looks like he’ll fit out there. By golly, he may even go into movies, who knows. You know, that’s never happened. We’ve had actors become politicians, but never the reverse. I wonder how that would work. What kind of movie would Rick Perry be in. Pulp Fiction comes to mind. “My wallet is the one that says, ‘Bad Decisions!!” Ya’ll thought I was going to quote Samuel Jackson, didn’t you?

Obama soft soaped the Congress so hard I thought he was a Masseuse!  The Republicans outnumber the Democrats now, but there were so many RINOs in the room I thought I was at the zoo! Fearless Leader made his way to the door, signing autographs, oh yeah, you’d have thought he was Brad Pitt. The liberal Democratic women swooning over him. I actually KNOW some liberal Democratic women down here. I would NOT let any of those women cook for me, ok? There was this one secret service guy, the bald one, eyeing the crowd, and he should. When the president walks through a crowd of crooks it’s dangerous.

The night ended well. Nothing changed. We’re still screwed, stewed and tattooed, and Obama has two more years to finish the job. But, I do like the show. I close my eyes, and for a moment it’s almost like 1957, and Walt Disney is introducing a new Tiinkerbelle cartoon. Did I ever tell you I was in love with Tinkerbelle. Yeah. She was a phony, transparent piece of work too.

Texas is Under Attack!

Texas is under attack! I want you to forget about America for a minute. America is the problem, not the solution. If America were your uncle Jake it just lost all its hair and the doctors were saying, “No more chemo!” Let me ask you, how many Islamic conferences do you have to see before you become aware that there is a concentrated effort to adversely affect business as usual in Texas? What would you say if I told you that there was a special law passed to exempt Baptists from paying taxes? What if interest on mortgages were included, no interest? Would that alarm you? Well that’s exactly what’s occurring now, and it’s for the Muslims! It’s like affirmative action on steroids.

It is very important to take down Texas. If Islam can infiltrate and destroy Texas the rest of the former America is easy. Mosques and “super” Mosques are going up everywhere. Conferences are held, and even though tickets are sold and even though the very lease on the building involved specifically states that people cannot be barred because of race, creed, national origin or religion, people holding legal tickets are being turned away at the door. What are they trying to hide?

There are now Sharia courts in Texas. How in the world can such a court hold sway over the legal, constitutional court system we have in place. God KNOWS our courts are corrupt enough, we don’t need any help! Ask yourself, why is this all being allowed. Well, for one, people don’t take the threat all that serious. A lot of people have never seen a Muslim outside the lady at the grocery store with the weird head dress. Most Texans could care less about someone’s religion. They view these new invitees as just another strand of an endless tide coming to Texas for a better life and a new start. When they hear about atrocities in the Middle East they comfort themselves by believing that’s all “over there.”

Second, there can’t be THAT many Muslims in Texas. . . right. . . RIGHT? Ok, here’s where it comes home. About how far is it from your home to the convenience store where the little brown guy is always smiling and speaks poor English. Salam! That’s a Muslim. He was brought here bag and baggage by some organization that floated the Quickie Mart, housed him, clothed him, and gave him a car, and friends and neighbors, he brought FAMILY! You see, we equate him with the Chinese, the Irish, the Mexicans, all those people coming here for many years to get a fresh start, but don’t you see, Ahmed doesn’t WANT a fresh start, he wants YOUR start! You are less than human. You are to bow before the might of the Islamic Caliphate. Oh, I’m sorry, definitions are needed. Caliphate: I ignore everything you’ve built and steal it while you pay me to do it. Your laws mean nothing and there are no borders.

Now, those who know about Islam, and know they’re coming here in droves comfort themselves by trying to sort out the difference between “Islam” and “Radical Islam.” Define this for me. How do you define, “A little bit pregnant?” What part of cutting a woman’s head off for being raped is moderate? Happens all the time in beautiful, downtown Mecca! I’ve watched so many beheadings I can eat a ham sandwich now while viewing the film. And you see, that’s what they WANT! Complacency! We don’t care so long as the Cowboys play!

Ok, I could go on and on, and look like a nut, but we need solutions, so here goes. How do we give “Mohammed” his walking papers. First off, right now there are more of us than them. They are in their beginning stages and need protection of the police, government, and a misinformed public to survive long enough to get the changes they need. Get off your duffs and go to city hall, congress, public meetings, the DOG POUND, but MOVE! Choke the city hall every TIME they apply to build a new Mosque. Let the city councilmen know if they approve this you’ll vote for HITLER before you’ll vote for them again. Same thing with congressmen. Fill UP their offices. Tell them the same thing. And remind them if the Caliphate becomes a legal reality THEIR heads will be the first to roll. That’s Sharia law!

Now, for the hard part. Stop being nice! Do NOT go to Habib’s store, I don’t care if he’s selling cigarettes two for the price of ONE! And let everyone know! Patronize other owners. A good portion of every dollar you give a Quickie Mart goes STRAIT to ISIS, or some other organization twisting fuzes on a bomb right NOW! When you see some Muslim woman in the store at LEAST show by your demeanor that you do NOT approve of her dress. Yeah, I know, that’s not nice, but how nice will it be when your DAUGHTER is forced to wear the same thing. . . after the operation, but I won’t speak of that here. When they have a rally, or conference show up in droves and disrupt it! “We are the religion of peace,” well alright, and WE’RE the religion of piece! We’re gonna leave pieces of your foreign butts all over this parking lot, and yeah, yeah, yeah, we’ll go to jail and with a little luck, by the time we get out YOU should be coming out of your coma, and you know what, we’ll come back and do it AGAIN, because we’re TEXANS! Only Texans can act like that!

Texas is the only cure for this. If it weren’t for Texas, America would be lost! They don’t know it, but they NEED us. Yeah, we’re crazy, yeah we wear funny hats, yeah we want to wear guns in church but we’re all they’ve GOT! It takes a Texas to fix this! After we fix our problem here maybe, just maybe, Pennsylvania will look up and say, “Now that’s what I’M talking about, and start acting like steel workers again instead of the ladies garden society.

And I don’t want to hear anything about, “It’s too late,” or “Bill, you’re just being paranoid.” It’s NEVER too late! Refer back; more of US than THEM! And you don’t think it’s here right now. Do me a favor. Go on YouTube and type in, “Pretty girls swimming naked,” and then try, “Islamic executions,” and see what pops up. If that’s not a red flag then I’m not a white boy from Austin!